Winner winner chicken dinner...

Ok so I know I said I would post the winner of the "Follow me" challenge first thing this morning, but this day didn't go as planned. This is literally the first time I have sat down since 4AM. Ugh. Unless you count the hour I spent crying at the chiropractor, and I do mean actual tears. My back is so jacked up and then he asked me how my life was going and that combine with the pain, I just fell apart. ANYWAY.

 The winner of the hand bound book and beanie is (insert drum roll here).... Tiffany!

Congratulations girl! Email me your address and I'll mail out the book and beanie! Also, if I don't hear from Tiffany by Monday (2nd) at 9AM, I will (or Random.org will) generate another winner.

Don't Forget!

You've got until tonight at midnight to become a follower of my blog and be entered to win this awesome hand bound book and knit beanie! Become a follower by clicking the link on the right and then commenting on this post! Tick, tock, tick, tock.....

GPOYW

I'm jumping on the GPOYW (Gratuitous Picture of Yourself Wednesday) bandwagon. Michelle does it, Jayni does it, I want to play! Here's my first one!

Winter is here (and it sucks) so as a farewell to summer here's the last picture I took at the last home Owlz game this year. Fun!

Two things..

I've learned while being unemployed. Me and my Cocomotion make a damn good chai latte.

And I love waking up to kisses from this little guy in the mornings.

Firemen

Hmm. I'm not really sure where to begin. I've been through a roller coaster of emotions over the past few weeks. But the past two days I have felt nothing but gratitude, and for one thing in particular: servicemen, mostly firemen. If you read my blog or know me, you know that I have fallen in love with the show Rescue Me. It's all about a group of NYC firemen and their lives and the job post 9/11. It's a drama/comedy and I've seen the whole series many times. I started it again (well starting with season 2, because Holli lent out season 1, and Season 1 borrower if you read this, please hurry and finish so I can watch season 1, thanks) and I'm on Season 4 right now and wow. This show is just awesome!!! Now, I realize that it is a TV show and the events are dramatized and blah blah blah. BUT that having been said, it has shown me that firemen are the bomb.com! Seriously, they are just so brave and selfless and holy shit they run into burning buildings! I drove by my local fire station today and I had this urge to stop in and tell them thanks for everything they do. But then I realized they would think I was some crazy lady, so I'll just express my gratitude via the www. That, and I didn't look very cute, and c'mon, lets face it firemen in bunker pants are REALLY hot, and I need to look good if I'm going to randomly stop by the station. Ha! Anyway, I am just grateful for all those that put their lives on the line for my safety that being firemen, policemen, and all those in the armed forces and everyone else. :) Go you go.

Don't forget to enter for my giveaway here.

Entries will be taken until Thursday, October 29 @ Midnight!

The winner will be announced first thing Friday morning!

Good Mojo

Hmm..Well this weekend started off with some poetic justice through the mail. Friday, my unemployment was approved, which is a huge relief off of my mind. I will have some (albeit very small) amount of income coming in weekly and with a little help I am going to be able to stay in my apartment and on my feet for the foreseeable future. AWESOME news.

I am so grateful that my claim was approved, it was such a huge relief, I can't even explain. I am even more grateful to finally be able to make headway with what I want to do from here. I am going to be able to make Nov rent and get back on my feet financially. While on unemployment, I can make up to 30% of my weekly earnings in addition to and still earn the full unemployment benefit amount, so that means I can go get a part time job doing something to fill in the gap until I find a much more permanent occupation. So that is the plan for right now. Find part time employment to fill in gaps and pay off bills that have stacked up over the last month. As far as progress there, I applied for two clerical type jobs this evening, one of which has the potential to be more than a part time gig. I am also open to doing anything else really, I wouldn't mind cashiering at a craft store or even like stocking shelves at Target or wherever during the evenings. Just something part time that allows me the time to interview for more permanent jobs, and go to doctors appointments to figure out my continuing ears and knee issue. So if anyone hears of anything let me know.

On the cash front, I am still selling my iMac ($650), enV cell phone ($75), and iPod Classic with accessories ($100). Please leave a comment or email me if you are interested. I've linked the items with pictures in past posts or you can see all of them on my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/meagenridley.

With that good news brightening my outlook, I think I may do something a little crazy. No, I'm not getting a 2nd tattoo (but that may be a good idea, I know what/where I want it and I'm in sort of a transitional phase right now....) Anyway! Nov 1st I am putting up my Christmas tree and all my decorations! I went shopping with my Mom today and we went though all the Christmas sections and I just really got into the spirit. I just rearranged my living room and I have the perfect spot for it. And I have all this free time on my hands...I just want to put them out! Screw the day after Thanksgiving. Mine are going up November 1 baby! Woo!

While I'm updating - I started the book Escape by Carolyn Jessop. It's the story of the woman that escaped the FLDS church. Wow. The book is incredible. It's crazy that people seriously live the lives she did. It's a very interesting read and I am thinking I will finish it quickly. It will definitely get a book review on my blog once I'm finished - so look forward to that.

On the book front, don't forget to become a follower of my blog so you can be entered to win this giveaway! The giveaway ends Oct 29th so don't forget! Just become a follower and then leave me a comment on that post! My goal is to get to 100 followers before the end of the year so spread the word! Have a happy Sunday everyone. I know I will, John, my Mom and Dad are making pot roast and potatoes for dinner. I'm pretty excited, I've been crazing it since you FB about it a few days ago! Woo! Also, Mom I'm making the deviled eggs (as I type this actually, so I'll be there at 4PM with them. I don't know if Holli will be there or not, she hasn't felt well the passed few days.)

Library Cards & Giveaways!

Holli and I got our library cards renewed today! I've really been getting back into books again lately, and as much as I love to buy them, they are expensive and I don't have any income right now. But then I remembered this awesome place called the Orem Public Library! Ha ha. So Holli had today off and we went and did it. Holli wasn't in the system, but I was from back in the day and apparently I had late fees. Boo. And they made me pay them! $11.08 from 1998. Yes, 1998. I was in 8th grade when I racked those up and over ten years later they made me pay them. Lame, but whatever I can rent books now. So I got Escape by Carolyn Jessop, Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen, and Stolen Lives by Malika Oufkir. I'm pretty excited about them. I am going to start with Escape first, my friend Jayni recommended it to me ages ago and said it was really interesting so I'll do a review once I'm finished. I finished Loose Girl and may or may not do a book review for it this weekend. There's a small one on my Goodreads profile if anyone is interested.

So along with my renewed love for books, I decided it would be fun to do a giveaway of one of my handmade books and a handmade beanie in celebration of the fall season! Yay! So, in order to qualify for the giveaway you just have to become a follower of my blog (link on the right) and leave me a comment introducing yourself, or just saying you're now a follower. If you're already a follower just leave me a comment saying hi. The giveaway will end one week from today on Thursday, October 29th @ midnight. I'll submit the comment numbers to Random.org to generate the winning number and I'll announce who it is Friday morning. Sound good? Oh, I guess you'll want to see what you are "following" for right?

Here's what I'm giving away-

Cute huh!? I made each of them with my own two hands - so you know they're good. The book was hand bound with a coptic stitch and the beanie was knit with high quality green yarn. I want to get to 100 followers so spread the word about the fun giveaway!

Thriller!

I saw Thriller for the first time ever last night with Holli, Rachelle, and Whitley. It was such a fun (much needed) night! We drove up to Kingsbury Hall and unfortunately Whitley and I missed the first act (because we had to pee - damn our small bladders), but the rest of the show was amazing! It totally got me into the Halloween spirit, and I don't even like Halloween. It also made me miss dancing soo much. Everyone go see it, it plays until the 31st and tickets are $20-$40 depending on your seats. After the show was over we went to iHop for some food and it was great to just sit and have a night out with some girls. Thanks for going girls, I had fun! See you in a few weeks at the Avon party, right?

I believe

A little over a year ago I did a post about my belief's. I've re-evaluated a few things I believe in recently. The previous post was very light-hearted, and this one is a little more serious, but I believe a healthy list of both is exactly what a person needs.

So, I believe in...

Being a good person. I believe that this is quiet possibly one of the most important things in life, second only to family. I want to be a good person and honestly try to do so. I don't believe that just by going to church weekly or paying a full tithe automatically puts you in the "you're a good person club". I know that there are a few far better people (and I've met them) that have nothing to do with the LDS church than some of those that are heavily involved in it. But I also know that there are a few people heavily involved in the Church that are some of the most Christ-like "good people" examples I've ever met. Ever. I know that it goes both ways, so please don't anyone respond with any "The church is perfect, the people of it aren't" comments. I get it.

When I say 'be a good person' I mean I want to leave Earth knowing that I did more good things than bad. I want to know that I made a positive memorable impact in someones life, at least one. Whether this be a close friend, a co-worker, or the homeless people at Walmart I try to give cash or a meal to every once in a while. I want people to have respect for me. I suppose being a respectable person could be a belief in itself, but I'll just tie it into being a good person for now. I have recently lost this quality for a few people in my life both personally and professionally and I never want anyone to think of me the way I do them now. Especially when at one point in time I held each of them so high. SO high. They shattered it all in the blink of an eye. I've looked at the situations (the two I'm referring to) truthfully from both sides (mine and theirs), and they could have (and should have) been handled so differently. And had they been, the end result would probably be the same, but I would still be able to say that I had some level of respect (all be it small) for them as individuals. I have absolutely no respect for those involved in these two incidents anymore. None. And that is sad, because at one point I considered them to be good respectable people.

Loyalty. I believe in being loyal to the people you care about, to a cause, and above all to yourself. There are times when I know I am loyal to a fault. For example I struggle to date more than one person at a time, even casually, because I can't handle the guilt I feel while I'm out with one and not the other. I know it sounds weird, it's just the way I am, I just can't do it. I've tried it several times and maybe I am just too loyal - even in budding relationships. I was loyal to Doba for close to 4 years. I believed in the Doba dream, was on the "Doba Bus" etc. Clearly, my loyalty didn't mean a lot to the company, but it doesn't change the fact that I was.

A higher power. I don't know how much of the exact teachings of the Gospel I believe in anymore, but I do know that there is a higher power. Someone that created this stunningly beautiful planet we all live on. Someone that loves me unconditionally. Still loves me, even though I haven't been to church in over 5 years, I haven't read the scriptures in even longer, and still loves me even though I may have made some choices others may view as mistakes. There is a higher being that loves me even though I don't see those choices as mistakes by any means, but only choices I made without any regrets. This higher being knows me so well that he knows I would have regretted making any other choices than those I made. I believe there is a higher being that has a plan for each of us, and we'll each find our way. We just need to be patient and ask for help and guidance from all available resources, this higher being, our parents, our siblings, our friends, etc. Also, I know there is a higher power because I curse him daily each Nov - Apr when the cold comes and the snow falls. And even though I curse him for 6-7 months of the year he always brings me the warmth of summer. It's just a little game he and I play. :)

Love. I believe in it. Again, recent events have put a black cloud on it, but deep down I still do. I have to. I have been in love two times in my life. How lucky am I to have had that? I'm guessing that there are some people out there that have never felt that way about another person. And I've felt it for two. Unfortunately, the first time I was very young and things just didn't work out then for us, and the second time the feelings weren't reciprocated. But I felt it. And I have to believe that one day, even if it's a long way down the road, that someone will have those feelings for me. I just hope that when that time comes I have removed the walls I've recently built around my heart and just let him in. I hope that I don't fight it due to fear of relationships passed. I want to fall head over heals in love again. I have to believe it will happen again for me eventually.

Community Service. Two of my favorite projects I ever headed up at Doba were community service. This summer I coordinated a Back to School Supplies Drive where we gave a lot of supplies to a local elementary school. I am giddy just imagining the smiles on the kids faces when they each got their very own box of crayons or the few that got a backpack when they didn't have one before. You can read more about the Back To School Drive project here, and the other I arranged, Cell Phones for Soldiers drive here and here. I have been on both sides of community service, the giving and receiving end and it is a wonderful feeling. Which leads me to the last and probably most important of things I believe in right now.

Karma. The more and more I thought about things I believe or don't believe in I kept coming back to karma being the thing that I ABSOLUTELY believe in. If I didn't well, I just don't know how I would survive this current chapter of my life, I just believe in it wholeheartedly, and always have. Everything that goes around comes around. The good and the bad. One day those that I feel have wronged me, will be wronged by someone else. And I suppose in a way that makes me sound bad. Let me just say that I do not wish ill upon anyone, I just believe that karma has a way of making the rounds with everyone. And the same goes for the good. Those that do good things, will have good things returned to them as well.

So there you have it. My more serious list of beliefs. What do you believe in?

Pick me, choose me, love me

Hmm....In between spending 24/7 searching for employment on all the sites, I'm watching Grey's Anatomy again. If you didn't catch on to that from this post or any of my recent Facebook updates. I started from the beginning - season 1, episode 1. But then I skipped season 2. Because frankly I am emotionally unstable right now (due to all the super fun recent events in my life - yay me!), and I just don't think watching my all time favorite Grey's character, Denny Duquette, die all over again is a good idea. So I skipped season 2. But I watched season 3 and I'm on season 4 now and I just love it. More and more each time I watch it.

I wish I had the money to buy the 'season pass' on iTunes for season 6, but oh well, maybe by next September when it comes to DVD I'll have a job and can buy it on DVD. I suppose I could watch it on TV each week, but that really goes against everything I believe in. (Speaking of...I've been thinking a lot about things I believe in lately, I may do another post on them again soon. Find the one I did previously here.) Anyway, I don't believe in watching shows on TV weekly, I don't have Tivo or DVR, and I just don't like having to wait a whole week to see what happens next. I only watch reality shows weekly, and I don't even do that anymore. I have two reality shows, Survivor and recently acquired American Idol. I haven't watched any of Survivor this season because last season sucked and American Idol hasn't started yet. I don't watch anything else. Anyway, what shows can you all watch over and over again?

Did I have sex with Edward Cullen last night?!

Am I going to have his vampire baby!?! Those were my first thoughts when I woke up to my room looking like this today!

But no, sadly I did not sleep with the sexy vampire character from the Twilight Saga and no I will not be giving birth to a vampire baby (although if I were I would definitely not name it Renesmee -- ugh). This was all just the handiwork of Tonka while I slumber. First it was Bumbles, then the carpet incident, now the pillows...Judas what will I ever do with this dog I love so much!

I guess you'll only get why this is so funny if you've read the 4th book in the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn. When Edward and Bella make love for the first time (after they are married, clearly...duh) Edward, um...shreds the pillows because he's so umm....worked up? Bella wakes up to a room full of feathers and fluff. Ha ha, just read the book then come back and read my post and you'll laugh. I promise. LOL.

Mmm..

I have a seriously unhealthy crush on this man... If there were such a thing as Dr. Mark Sloan anonymous meetings, I should look into attending immediately.

Dog Snuggie

I didn't know Tonka was doing Snuggie ads! Where are my royalties!? I could REALLY use them about now.

Table for one and a glimmer of hope

I did something today that I have never ever done before. Sat by myself at a sit down restaurant and ate an entire meal. It was great. I loved it and I want to do it again tomorrow. Ha ha. I was feeling REALLY low when I woke up this morning or this afternoon to be exact, and I needed to get out of my house for a while. I was hungry so I thought well, I'll take my book and go to McGrath's. I thought that I would feel weird or out of place when they asked me "how many" before I was being seated, but I didn't. I didn't feel out of place at all. I also brought along a stack of local business magazines I have and started writing down names of companies to send out my resume to, but I only got through one of them before I got bored with it and picked up my book, Loose Girl. I really like it. But I would recommend it to only a few of my blog readers, because I would guess a lot of you would be offended by its subjectivity and language. So anyway, I turned off my phone, ordered a drink, an appetizer, a meal, the works! Ha ha. Waay more food than I need or could even eat, but I just enjoyed myself and it was really nice. I recommend everyone do this from time to time.

When I got home I checked my email and I was super pleased! I got a job lead from one of my oldest (and by oldest I mean our friendship is the oldest, I've known her since I was like 9, she is not old) friends Andrea and I applied for the position as soon as I heard about it. It's an Office Manager position at Northwestern Mutual and they replied and will call me tomorrow to schedule an interview! Yay! I was soo happy! Even if it doesn't work out, it's such a good feeling knowing that someone somewhere has looked at my resume. I was starting to feel like they were going into a black hole of nothingness. Seriously, I've sent out probably 25 resumes and haven't received a single response. Ugh. So, I *hope* to hear from Northwestern tomorrow and get an interview. Thank you so so much Andrea for the job lead and bringing a much needed glimmer of hope into my life! Seriously I needed it.

Also, when I checked the mail today I received my new debit card from the state of Utah. When you apply for unemployment they send you a debit card and this is where they deposit your weekly funds unless you set up some sort of direct deposit, which I faxed the form yesterday. It doesn't mean I'm approved, but I haven't seen a 'claim denied' letter yet, so I have to believe that getting the debit card is a good sign? We'll see. I'm off to bed now. I've gotten into a really bad habit of going to bed at 4AM and sleeping until noon. This is not good for my sleep issues and not good in general. So it ends tonight. I've taken my pill and I'm going to read until I fall asleep. Holli is going to call and wake me up at 8AM tomorrow too. Don't forget Hoe! See everyone tomorrow.

Depressed

I hesitate to even post this it's that far in the dark place, but wait! I almost forgot! I post anything I want now! So here goes. I'm diving into a deeply depressed state. I'm soo lonely. I don't have any friends, none. I don't have a job. I have watched all the movies and TV shows I care to watch. I've done every single jigsaw puzzle I own. You can only look at job sites soo much before you go crazy realizing that you make more money being a drain on society drawing unemployment, if that ever gets approved.

If my unemployment is not approved soon I'll end up having to move back home with my parents. Which, I love you Mom & Dad, but I REALLY do not want to do this. I just don't. I've been on my own for five years. I don't want to go back to having people to answer to and rules to follow and crap. Not to mention that I'll probably have to end up selling Tonka, because Marley (parent's dog) is a mean dog and was never trained and doesn't get along with other animals. And that will kill me. I'm crying typing that out, because the thought of selling my dog, someone else taking care of my little Tonka, KILLS me.

I have one friend, who I am sure is about ready to call it quits being my friend because all I do is text him all day long, because I am so fucking bored. I wake up at noon everyday, because I have nothing else to do. I don't get dressed in normal clothes, because I have been on steroids since the beginning of summer and have gained over 30lbs. Nothing fits. My entire body aches all of the time. But I can't stop taking the medication because it's the only thing that keeps the room from spinning and me passing out. Maybe I'll try to work out tomorrow, make an effort to do so even if for only a few minutes. I've got to do something, because I am disgusted with myself when I look in the mirror.

Every night I pour a drink, fill the tub, and read a book for a while. Reading is productive I suppose. I bought two books today, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle and Loose Girl. I started Loose Girl tonight, a trashy book by most local standards, but I really don't care. It's been entertainment for me for the last 2 hours or so. Maybe I'll stay up all night and finish it. Finish Eat, Pray, Love tomorrow and then start Edgar the next day. I'll never finish Breaking Dawn, I just can't. I've tried like 3 times and the book is just awful. So I took it off my night stand and replaced it with the two I bought tonight.

Seriously. I need something good to happen. For once. Anything good. I need a call back, an interview. An actual date- not just 'hanging out Utah crap' - although that is a HUGE stretch because who wants to date the unemployed depressed girl? I just need SOMETHING. Anything to brighten my day. I am enjoying the rain right now. I wish it would rain really hard for a few more days. I like it. See I'm not all doom and gloom. Ha. Whatever.

Cell Phono Problemo

I am unemployed. So much of my time is spent lying in my bed with my laptop and dog searching for potential jobs online. Yet I have the same problem every single day. I loose my phone in the blankets and pillows and sheets. Seriously. It's the most annoying thing! I have to move the laptop and then disturb the sleeping dog and rustle around looking for my phone just so I can text my friend something stupid like "come play with me at lunch!" Ha ha! I need to come up with some system to not lose my phone in bed. Maybe I'll velcro it to my headboard? Or get one of those belt clip things but somehow clip it to the headboard. I'm not sure, but I am sick of loosing my effing phone all the time!

I could solve this problem easily if I still had my iPhone, I could just use that "Where's my phone app". But no, my former employer HAD to take that back when they fired me. Even though every other employee that has been let go or left on their own accord has been able to just keep their phone and put it into a contract in their own name. Everyone accept for me. What a joke. Part of me was glad they took the phone back, I no longer was forced to stay with AT&T. I hate them and you can read about why here. So that day (and mind you I only had 1 day to choose a new phone/provider) I went to T-Mobile to see what cool phones/plans they offered. I did as much research and talking with sales associates as I could and ended up going with the newest Google phone, the myTouch. I like it a lot so far. I've not dropped any calls (which is something I did on a daily basis with AT&T) and I can do everything on it I could with the iPhone. I love that it is smaller and lighter than the iPhone too. The text screen isn't as sensitive as I'd like, but I'm getting used to it. I am waiting for the iPhone/AT&T contract to end then I'll probably pick another up on a new service. Anyway, what cool phones do you all have?

Wants/Needs

I stole this idea from my friend Jess. She posted it on her blog and I loved it! So in exchange for stealing her idea I'm going to give her the HTML code for the 3 column template. Jess- send me an email (link on the right) and I'll send it to you!

I need someone as loyal as me. Someone I can always depend on.

I want someone to realize how much I love them.

I need someone to appreciate all of the little things I do for them.

I want someone to surprise me.

I need someone to love Tonka as much as I do.

I want someone that takes pride in their work.

I need someone to stand up for me.

I want someone that knows they need me more than I need them.

I need someone intelligent. Like nerdy smart. Only not an actual nerd.

I want someone that encourages my creativity.

I need someone that understands mine and my family's extreme health constraints.

I want someone that loves movies as much as I do. Going to movies, buying them on DVD, laying in bed all weekend watching one after another. I love it.

I need someone with drive. Someone who sets goals and accomplishes them. Someone who goes after their dreams.

I want someone that loves baseball as much as I do.

I need someone that uses good grammar. Bad grammar or spelling is such a turn off for me.

I want someone that inspires me to be a better person as a whole, not just excel in one area.

I need a good listener.

I want someone thoughtful.

I need someone that can quote movie lines with me.

I want someone with patience.

I need someone that prioritizes me first, always.

I want an equal.

Worthless

I'm still here laying in my bed at 12:30PM with plans to put in the 1st disc of the 2nd season of Deadwood. Those are my plans for the entire day. I suppose at some point I'll get up and shower. But probably only if someone makes plans with me for tonight. Otherwise, I'll just lay here in my black sleeper thing all day. Because I don't have a job anymore, I don't have any children to take care of (thank God), and I don't have any money to go do something like shopping or buy a chai tea (which I am really craving right now if someone in the blogosphere could oblige that would be uh-mazing.) Maybe I'll go to a movie on my own. I've never done that before and I've always wanted to. Is Julie and Julia still in theaters? I need to go watch something happy and uplifting.

I am filled with anger, resentment and terrible thoughts towards a lot of the people in my life, or that were in my life. A lot. And I hate it. I hate the way I feel because I'm not this kind of person. I've never been one to carry grudges or wish ill things upon people even when they have wronged me. But I am afraid the last month I've become exactly that. I was discussing this with My Mom (who is the most optimistic upbeat person I know) and she told me that it's okay for me to feel like this and only I will know when I'll be finished and ready to just let it all go. It was good advice, and I know what she was saying, I'm just afraid I'll always feel this way. I'll never let it go. And no one wants to be around someone like this. No one wants to be with bitter Betty. I guess it's a good thing I bought Tonka, he doesn't know any different as long as I take him on walks and give him treats he still loves me.

Blah. I hate the feeling I have right now of no responsibilities. Actually, I have a lot of responsibilities, just no means to fulfill them. And not for lack of trying either. I've completed the process for filing for unemployment. It was very interesting being on the other side of the process, and I am grateful I have my multi-functioning printer for all of the forms and scanning and what not that needs to be done. I feel some relief knowing what is what with unemployment now. I was uneasy before because I wasn't sure of how much I would qualify for or if that it would be enough to cover bills, how the exact filing process works, ect. But now I know it all and I'm only waiting for my approval. Which could take up to 3 weeks - right about the time when rent is due. If my unemployment is approved I think I can make it work, if not, I'm fucked and I'll move home with my parents, which is another mess in itself. If I wouldn't have (drained my savings) and moved into my new apartment in May I would have been fine financially. I would have just taken the remainder of the year off, lived off my savings, and started something new in January. Shoulda-woulda-coulda I guess though.

The Utah Department of Workforce Services site sure seems like they know what they are doing though and the process while long, was put together very well and easy for me to understand. I search for jobs on it as well as Monster, Dice, HotJobs, Career Builder, Craigslist, newspaper, etc multiple times a day. I've sent out a crazy amount of resumes and cover letters, I've made phone calls, tried to network, etc. But I haven't received a single solitary call/email back. I think it's due to my $41K/year salary requirement to stay afloat. I can assure my future employer I am worth every single penny, regardless of what my past one thought.

I have been thinking of starting my own business offering administrative services on retainer. There is a huge need for admins in every single office, but the pay is low and a lot of times the need is not consistent. So I want companies to have the option of using them on an as needed basis. So anyway, maybe I'll start putting my thoughts on paper around it and see what I come up with. I'd like to run what I come up with by a few business owners and get their thoughts...anyone out there own a business with potential admin needs and be willing to participate? Or know of anyone that wouldn't mind me taking up 45 min of their time to discuss logistics? More thoughts are brewing just typing that out. Ha ha! Suddenly I don't feel so worthless! I think Deadwood may have to wait until this evening...

Maybe I'll go shower now.

Book Quote

"When you're lost in the woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered a few feet off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it's time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises anymore." --Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

FML

I love how each time I sign into Monster to search for jobs the first "recommended" job they give is my old position. Yeah. No shit, Sherlock.

Blog Sale: Craft Edition

I've got a few more things for sale! Yippee!

As always, if you are interested in purchasing an item send me an email (link on the right or meagenridley at gmail dot com) or leave me a comment. First come, first serve, cash only.

Let me know if you have any questions!

Memories Photobox - $50
This box was hand painted and sanded by myself then I added the "Memories" using white rub-on letters This photo box is approximately 6x8x6. It can hold a photo on each end and then a total of 128 4x6 photos inside

Red Love Frame - $15

This is a red 8x10 wood frame. The edges have been lightly sanded and the word "Love" has been added to the glass on the lower right hand corner.

 

Green Cherish Frame - $15

This is a green 8x10 wood frame. The edges have been lightly sanded and the word "Cherish" has been added to the glass on the upper left hand corner.

Three Little Windows Frame - $20

I hand painted and sanded this frame. It's 5x12x1.5 and will hold 3 pictures sized 3.25 x 3.25

Dark Blue Scarf - $15

Hand knit tube scarf with tassel ends. 

WINTER BEANIES

Each beanie hand made with high quality yarn. Click on the photo for a larger version of each picture.

All adult sized beanies are $15 and kids sized are $13.

KIDS SIZE BEANIES --$13

Orange

Green with Blue Trim

Rainbow

ADULT SIZED BEANIES --$15

Blue - I have 2 of these

Green

Yellow

Pink

Cleaning out my closets

My life has taken a change of course. Or maybe now it just has a course (even as short and day to to day as it may feel right now) if that makes sense? Before I just did whatever I wanted and was okay with that. Maybe I shouldn't have been, or actually it was the greatest time of my life?! While everyone around me was getting married and having babies (and I often envied each of you) I lived on my own baby! I wasn't tied down, I could do whatever and whomever I pleased at any time. And dammit it was fun! I did/done/am doing something that few women in my area (good old LDS land) actually do because they immediately get hitched after high school. And I'm proud of it. I did and am doing a damn fine job. I have absolutely no regrets in the last five years of my life. I made my own choices and have taught myself to be self-sufficient and be my own person. I may have had doubts (a lot) at times along the way, but who doesn't? Shesh, go me go. Anyway, back to my purpose of this post...

With the loss of my job I have been forced to clean out each and every aspect of my life. All my closets. Everything hit at once. I was forced to go through all of my bills and figure how I am going to make it through jobless for a bit. Not counting my car I have less than $3K debt. Which in the big picture is nothing.

I have been given the opportunity to finally have time to figure out my health - the issue with my ear and passing out on a regular basis. I can get to the bottom of my knee, shoulder (think this is solved already though) and lower back pain instead of just masking it with pain pills on a daily basis. I am hoping to resolve my sleeping problems, but while I'm not sure these are solvable, I'm optimistic about it. All of this stress has brought on an extreme amount of anxiety, which I went and got help with (instead of just trying to ignore it and convince myself that it's no different than what anyone else is experiencing). While the anti-anxiety medication is a short term fix, it has helped tremendously. Hopefully, there will be a time soon when I am not taking 8 different medications on a daily basis and I can just be healthy.

A few days after losing my job and my awesome 25th birthday (sensing my sarcasm?) I got a few lovely (more sarcasm) emails with questions and accusations regarding a passed relationship. While it was awful, I dealt with it (INSANELY maturely, if I do say so myself) and I was able to close that chapter of my life once and for all. I should have done what I did a year ago. I know none of what I just said makes sense to anyone, because I kept the entire situation to myself (and I still intend to - so don't even ask me about it - it's done and done) but it was time I dealt with it so I can move on for real this time. Thank God.

Along with the cleaning out of my closets (literally - I cleaned my actual closets and found lots of things to sell! Buy them all here!) I've been forced to update all the little things in my life for example - my email address. I've had that "tanyabunsoff" since high school. Good grief, it was a joke, and I can't put that as my contact for a resume! Ha ha! So I updated all of that. My resume, email, calendars, and I updated my Google Reader last night. It took me forever but damn it's nice. Everything is listed by the person's name, and I got rid of all the people that have gone "private" and I can't see their feeds, I deleted blogs of people that haven't posted in forever. It was uh-mazing. I want to screenshot it and post it, it's that good. Kidding. Sort of. So along with updating those things I went through the "Posting" tab on my own blog. I had a lot of drafts that I started and never posted. Some I wished I had, others it's good I didn't. So I cleaned those up, but there were a few that I wanted to put out there for the sake of recording how I was feeling at one point. I hope anyone that is still reading this gets a laugh or two out of them, if not that's fine I did it for me! One of them is from last night (which I'll post at the end).

Things That Must Go Text Message Edition - drafted 07/14/09 @ 4:04PM

-When people don't send the obligatory "thank you" "okay" texts. This totally bugs. I want each and every one of my texts to be acknowledged!

-Grammar. I don't mind missing the apostrophes or comma's. But I can't stand the "U" or "cause" or "2". Seriously type everything out.

-Boys who text me from a different phone hoping I will write back because I didn't respond to the texts from their phone number they originally gave me. This will NOT help your case for wanting me to respond. Seriously.

The Invisible Asshole - drafted 10/03/09 @ 9:32AM
I slept like poo. Maybe it was the Xanax. Or the Ambien. Or the Alcohol. LOL. Falling asleep wasn't a problem, obviously. It was my dreams or something that I don't even know the name of since it happened when I was awake, it couldn't have been a dream. So I wake up, and I feel like someone is holding me. Down. HOLDING ME DOWN. I couldn't move. I think I tried to yell for help, I think, but I don't remember. I'll ask Holli when she wakes up. But she wouldn't have heard me since she sleeps like a rock under another pile of rocks. I do remember it feeling awful though. I just wanted to get up and get a drink I was soo thirsty! But some invisible asshole was holding me down!

Untitled - drafted 10/04/09 @ 4:00AM
Wow. It's after 4AM and I'm not sleeping because 1: I didn't take my sleeping pill 2: I have nothing to be awake for at a decent hour tomorrow and 3: I'm cleaning out my life. Seriously. Each and every aspect of it. And let me just say, right now, in this very moment, I feel fanfuckingtastic! I'm high but I'm grounded. I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed. I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby. I'm terrified, but in control. I'm able to take on all of the trials that are currently laying in the road ahead of me. Watch out world, because seriously there is a new me on the horizon and she's going to be a bitch on wheels.

Let me explain. In the last 3 weeks in particular I have been dealt one life changing disaster after another. I lost my job (on my fucking birthday!), was diagnosed with 2 different types of diseases (Meniere's and a Thyroid condition), came into contact with a long time friend that was at one point in time very close to my heart, have severed ties with someone that should have happened long ago, and determined that they are non-repairable. And this is just the last three weeks, friends! This doesn't even include the previous 10 months of this year. Let's not forget the 8 months of chronic migraines, the 6 root canals, the dislocated shoulder, the passing out, fluid in the ears, 4 (oh wait make that 5 now) rounds of steroids, 30 additional lbs due to the prednisone and thyroid issue, and my chronic insomnia. Oh and that's just me. Don't forget about my family's trials. Tough stuff girls and boys. And I feel for those going through similar or worse trials in their own lives.

Life is so damn hard. But I've decided to take it on with a new perspective. Honesty and courage. Not that I have been dishonest in the past, I've just been reserved. I was reserved with my feelings towards my relationships with guys, co-workers, family, etc. I would do blog posts with half truths, tell the situation, but not how I REALLY felt. I would put on the face that everything is fine, and I was dealing, but inside I was going crazy with extreme trials of anxiety, confusion, heartache and pain. Not anymore. I'm finished holding in these things for the sake of others. My sanity is immediately taking a leap into first place on my list of priorities. For the first time in my life, I am going to worry only about me and what I want. Too many times I have put myself out there to be supportive and the backbone for others only to be shit all over and heartbroken. In the words of Linkin Park, "Today this ends". So, that having been said, I'm going to start with more honesty on MY blog. No more holding back on things I'm feeling for the sake of those reading it. I may loose a few readers because of it, and I'm okay with that. My blog is an incredible outlet, and I am going to take full advantage.

Before I was reserved because I knew over 50% of my old co-workers (including my former boss) read it. My reservations are no more. If you get offended by what I am feeling or the words I use to describe it, stop reading. I don't care. My blog is for my own sanity and I'll say what I want.

I want to surround myself with good people. Good people by my standards, not those that are set by the society and community I live in.

That was as far as I got in that final post, but I still feel the same way today. I'm going to be the same me, just with less reservations-they only held me down inside. All my closets are sparkly clean and I'm ready for whatever lies ahead. Hello world.

The Last Kiss

“Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. What you feel only matters to you. It’s what you do to the people you say you love. That's what matters. That's the only thing that counts." -The Last Kiss

This is quiet possibly the greatest scene from any love movie ever made. Well, maybe not the greatest, but it's in my top ten for sure. I just love it. It's so true. And I can't stop thinking about how simply perfect it is. And as corny as it sounds, I know someone out there needs to see/hear it. I know it. So here you go.

Blog Sale!

Well this will be one part interesting experiment and another part hope to hell it works because I need the cash!

My parents had a yard sale a few weeks ago and I didn't have the time to gather up any of the stuff I wanted/needed to unload. I used some of my me time last week and put it all together. It's a little late in the season to do another yard sale and I don't have enough stuff to do one on my own. So I'm throwing it all up on my blog, Craigslist, KSL, and Facebook for everyone to buy! I have some cool stuff! I just don't need it anymore. And I'm unemployed. So actual cash for bills is far more important right now.

So here's how it will work. I'll post a picture of each item, list any info I have on it, and an asking price. First come, first serve- cash only or PayPal. If you want something at a different price, let me know in the comment - I'm open to negotiations! You can also email me (meagenridley at gmail dot com) or text/call me if you know my number with questions. I don't mind shipping things as long as the buyer is willing to pay for it.

All of the items listed work and are in great condition. If you would like more pictures or close-ups just ask because I've got them ready to send to anyone interested. Happy shopping!
iMac G5 - $650
Screen is 17x11, comes with original keyboard. I purchased the new keyboard (shown) and will throw it in (instead of the original keyboard) for an additional $35 (retails at $49)
Comes with latest OS, Microsoft Office, and iLife 08, runs great perfect. I have a MacBook Pro and don't need both

Verizon Motorola Q Phone - $70 --SOLD--
Phone comes with extended battery, leather carrying case, 2 wall chargers, and brand new headset.

Kodak EasyShare CX7330 - $65

3.1mp / 3X zoom - Comes with original box and software and a 128MB SD card

iPod Video 30g - $150
White, original packaging and software, USB cord, 2 protective covers included

Garth Brooks The Limited Series Collectors Set - $15
Albums include: Double Live (2 discs), The Lost Sessions, Sevens, Scarecrow, and All Access Concert Disc. Comes in collectors case with 60 page book with color photos and lyrics to each album. - Seriously cool if you are GB fan!

New Puppy Pack - $110 for everything

If you are in the market for a new puppy, this is all stuff you'll have to buy. I will sell all of it together or each thing separately. If you'd like to purchase only one piece, just send me an email or comment with an offer.

Pack includes: Puppy exercise cage with locking door ($90 value) (the puppy cage has SOLD), 3 outfits (will fit a dog 5-8lbs), doggy liter boxes (2 sizes), 1/2 pack of puppy liter, 2 packs of training potty pads, food/water dish, puppy carrier (will hold a dog up to 25lbs)

Office Chair - $20 --SOLD--

Black leather office chair, very comfy! Those aren't blemishes on the bottom, I had just wiped the dust off the chair and it wasn't dry yet!

Laptop bag/purse - $7 --SOLD--

Never used laptop bag, lots of pockets for chargers, wallets, or business cards.

Green Laptop/Shoulder Bag - $7

This bag was used once and has lots of padding to protect your laptop. There are also pockets on the inside and out for other items.

Maroon Laptop Bag/Purse - $5 --SOLD--

The picture makes the bag look very pink, but it is actually a darker maroon.

Black Heals - $7

I bought these to wear to a wedding that I didn't end up attending so they are brand new. Size 7.5.

Vintage Lamp - $12

I love this lamp and purchased it from a vintage shop for over $40. But I don't have the space for it anymore. The lighting mechanism needs to be replaced (little thing where the light bulb goes) and it needs a new light bulb.