31 August 2010
30 August 2010
I'm bored, like really bored. I've cleaned and vacuumed my bedroom, the TV room, the living room, and the kitchen (twice). I also cleaned my sister's room while she took a bath. I've done 4 loads of laundry with 2 more in the shoot. I took the meat down for dinner tomorrow. I've walked both the dogs, three days in a row. I gave myself a pedicure. I've watched more movies and TV shows than I could ever dream of wanting to watch. I've started my favorite book for the 3rd time.
Without my Ambien I sleep every other night. This is my non sleep night and I have nothing to do. I started a "sleep journal" actually it's more like a "lack of sleep journal". Tonka doesn't sleep with my anymore. He sleeps on a pillow in the living room until about 3AM when he gets so cold he wanders into my bed looking for warmth under the covers.
28 August 2010
I had a job interview this week at a really cool company that I thought went fantastic. Unfortunately I wasn't offered the position. (I'd link to the company, but since they didn't think I was a good fit I don't really care to give their site any traffic muahaha!) I was/am really bummed about it. I really wanted to work there; it has so much potential for growth and I know I could have made huge contributions. At first I was really pissed, but at the end of the day it's just one more thing to chalk up to my 'Jinx Factor'.
I feel like I jinx myself all the time. I get excited about something and so naturally I want to share my excitement. I spill the beans with someone and inevitably this is a sign to the universe that it should shit all over my happiness and put an immediate halt to it. This doesn't apply only to potential employment opportunities either it happens with guys all the time. I start dating someone and things start to progress, I get excited and happy and share what's going on with my sister or whomever and within a few days said guy will disappear without explanation and I'm left with inquiries of the status of my once budding relationship. It happens every time without fail. You'd think that by now I would just keep my mouth shut and just maybe something would work out in my favor, but apparently I haven't learned my lesson quite yet.
The Jinx factor goes along the same lines as the 'Date-me-in-order-to-find-who-you-really-want routine'. I cannot even count how many times I have dated a guy for a few months only to realize they don't want any sort of commitment, things fizzle out between us and then I get the lovely piece of mail 4-6 months later announcing their engagement to the girl they dated after me. Seriously?
I am so tired of life. I have lost all belief in human decency, family, loyalty, and love. I am so tired of trying to keep faith in things that just aren't there. Or maybe I'm just an insomniac and can't think clearly anymore. I've been trying to do productive things during the night when I should be sleeping instead of watching TV shows and movies. I've been knitting and coloring (really productive I know) and at 5AM this morning I decided to rearrange my bedroom. Here's some pictures of the final results. I think it's kinda cute and I like that I have some where to put on my make up now instead of sitting on the floor. :)