Quote

“I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I’m going to take a stand. I’m going to defend it. Right or wrong, I’m going to defend it.

Cameron, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

I'm so sad.

I probably should have known as the clock got closer and closer to midnight, but I didn't. I got stood up tonight. Well not stood up I guess, just canceled on. But stood-up/canceled on, either way my feelings were hurt. I was supposed to go get some food (waffles - I need them like air, I am on round 4 of Prednisone and this time round I need waffles like they are going out of style. Everyday. I love them.) and watch Prison Break with my long lost friend, but he canceled on me. He works his tail off at two jobs and Monday's are rough so I understand and we were out VERY late last night, but STILL I was soo excited to hang out him. I was so excited I even put up a FB status about how much I was looking forward to. I went tanning and showered, and even shaved my legs. I picked out a cute outfit and was all ready to go and then he canceled on me. :( I'm totally bummed out right now. Boo.

Unemployed

I didn't sleep until 4AM this morning. I was extremely stressed out and experiencing major anxiety all week. I was so overwhelmed that 1.5 Ambien and 2 Percocet didn't put me sleep. Why was I so stressed you might be wondering? Well, Doba terminated my loyal employment of almost 4 years on Tuesday, my 25th birthday no less. 

Doba decided that they were no longer going to be able to continue the relationship because I used all of my Paid Time Off (PTO) for sickness and accidents. I am devestated by this, but oddly relieved. For the better part of a year I have been through many health trials (8 months of chronic migraines, 6 root canals, torn up knee, food poisoning, shoulder dislocation, etc.) and through them all I never felt like I had the opportunity to clear my head and fully recover because I was always worried about my job. I no longer have that concern so hopefully I can focus on getting my mental and phsyical issues in order again. I've got 3 different doctor appointments scheduled already for next week. 

I am trying my best to have a positive outlook, to see the silver lining, but I just can't right now. I know I will find something else, I'm just so overwhelmed. I am so overwhelmed with the events of this past week and year that I went to the doctor yesterday and got some anti-anxiety medication (Xanax) it seems to be helping, but right now I can hardly type I am so nervous and scared feeling that I have zero direction in my life. I ended up taking two last night (or this morning rather) to help me relax so I could get a few hours of shut eye before my long last day of working at Doba. :( I am so sad. I loved my job, truly I did. I just don't understand, I had a rough year health-wise and emotionally, things that are out of my control, and I get fired for it.

So, the next seven days are going to be all about me. I am going to do the things that I want, things that make me happy. Spend time with my dog, sleep in late, tan, and work out. Tie up a bunch of loose ends I haven't had the time or energy to deal with until now. After my "all about me vaca" my aggressive job search begins! I hope I am able to find something that helps me grow as an individual and work well with a group of similarly open minded people. I may also look into returning to school. I would probably qualify for some grants or assistant since I am unemployed. This may be the route I need to take.

If anyone knows of any HR, administrative assistant type jobs in Utah-County I would appreciate the information on them. I need at least $40,000/year to stay in my current living conditions. I have a resume ready to send, just shoot me an email with directions and the job description. Also, I've updated my email address to meagenridley at gmail .com. I'll check the other one regularly but I'm trying to get everything moved over ASAP.

I asked Holli to move in with me for a few months until the end of the year. I'm excited for the time we'll get to spend and that she will be able to help me a bit with rent and the Tonka-monster. I love her so much more than I could ever put into words. She has been staying with me in some compacity for the last month and I am so very grateful for this. She helps tremendously with Tonka and she cleans and makes me not feel so lonely. She and Madi are my very best friends and I need their support right now. My parents are very loving and supporting and I know they will do their best to keep me a float until I find something new.

Since I know a lot of my Doba coworkers read my blog, I wish each of you the very best. Please stay in touch via email (above or the link to the right) and Facebook. I have a feeling I will be either offline for the next few days to week or online a ton looking for jobs. We'll see. Enjoy your weekends and I will do my best to make good use of the time off I unexpectedly have. 

Summer of 2009

It has been a little rainy the last few days and as I was walking from my car to my house I smelled it, fall. Fall is in the air and it makes me quiet sad. While this summer was low on my list of favorite ones, it was still summer. And a sucky summer is better than the best fall or winter. So here's a little picture recap of memorable events.

Treats

1. Blue Bunny Birthday Cake Ice Cream 2. Otterpops 3. Walmart Cheesecake 4. Frazil

Sports

1. UV Thunder Game 2. Salt Lake City Bees Game 3. Orem Owlz 4. Orem Owlz Season Ticket book

Love

1. Hootz & Holly Wedding 2. Kelvin Kyler Love 3. Mom & Dad 25th Anniversary 4. Tonka

Pain

1. Three rounds of steroids 2. Dislocated shoulder 3. Four root canals 4. Fluid in inner ear

Crafts

1.Fruit Stripe Beanie 2.Blueberry tube scarf 3.Rock magnets 4.Wood frame
Randoms

1.Balloons in the Jeep 2.Angels hat 3.Work pool party 4.77,777 miles on the Jeep

I feel weird 2.0

I feel weird again. I have since yesterday. I feel like something bad happened or is happening or going to happen. I don't know, I have been having some really strange dreams this weekend too. It's just hard to explain. I feel like I'm in my own head and I can't get out or something. I keep rethinking the last two years and double guessing things. But they've all already happened, so what is the point? What is bringing on all of these thoughts? Maybe it's the prednisone, I went through this a little on the first round. I have six more days on it and I just want to be finished. Maybe it's my looming 25th birthday? Speaking of I know you are all going crazy trying to find me that perfect gift, so I'll make it easy on you. Here's what I want.

Crest White Strips

Tanning pass (Radiance Sun Studios is where I go)

The Story of Edgar Sawatelle

An external hard drive (nerd alert! But seriously I need one)

Ugly Betty: Season 3

The door handle on my Jeep fixed

This Ikea bookcase

This alarm clock

A big fuzzy bath robe

Breakfast at Mimi's

Firefighter Tonka!

I know I know, but I just couldn't help myself! I saw the costume in Petsmart and I HAD to put it on him. If you didn't know, Holli and I heart firefighters and Rescue Me. Mmm. The only thing I love more than a fireman is a ball player, but I've dated them, and well clearly that didn't work. Actually I've dated a fireman too, that didn't work either. Whatever. I just need a man. But back to my current favorite boy, Tonka. I just love him lately, he's turned into such a good little dog. He's finally gotten into a routine of going on walks. I take him everyday at lunch and then once in the evening. He's so content when he gets to run around outside for a little while each day. Isn't he adorable in this costume? I would have bought it, but I need to get him a coat for winter, and the ones I looked at in Petsmart today were $30! Expensive! Can you believe that? Oh, also I need some advice or suggestions. Tonka (like his mother, he he) loathes the cold. He's small and when the temperatures drop he doesn't want to go out. So how do all of you dog owners deal with this? He becomes very needy if he isn't walked, so I don't want to go back to that. I plan on getting him a coat, but I'm not sure that will help him get over the cold, and he hates wearing clothes too. I may get him a pair of the little paw booties too, but those were $25, and I would be shocked if I could even get them on Tonk's paws. Any suggestions on ways or places to take the dog so he can walk, but not in the snow/cold?

Greatest.Day.EVER

Move over Otterpops and taquitos! Your new neighbor, 3 gallons of Blue Bunny Birthday Cake Ice Cream, has arrived! I asked the Owlz front office staff to order me a carton of my favorite ice cream flavor and I knew when I saw Buzz coming down to my seats at the game the earlier this week I was in for good news! WAHOOOOOOOO!

Labor Day

I got everything done on my Labor Day to do list! Go me go. Both bathrooms are sparkly clean! I mean S.P.A.R.K.L.Y. I scoured the tubs, washed the rugs, and mopped the floors. I love a clean bathroom. I didn't take Tonka to the park, but we did go on a long walk first thing this morning. I went tanning then came home and rearranged my bedroom. I tweaked my already tweaked back while moving my enormous bed and dresser, which sucks, not to mention how it didn't help my shoulder. But I got in the tub and I've been switching ice and heat since it happened and I think I'll be alright. I don't know how long I'll keep my room this way, it's not a cute as it was before (it's actually a little awkward), but my bed is directly under the air vent now, which I love.

Tonka's barking has gotten out of control. If another dog barks, he runs around the house and barks back. If someone knocks on another apartment door, he runs to the door and barks. If he hears a dog fart in the courtyard, he runs to the window and BARKS! Ugh! So I got out the squirt bottle and he gets sprayed whenever he starts up. Towards the end of the day he seems to be getting the concept, but now it's time for bed and he won't get in. He's just sitting on the floor. I think he's mad at me. Ha ha, oh well. Stop barking and I won't have to spray you! Anyway, I know that was a rant and no one really cares, so I'm finished. Sleep well everyone.