As I type this I am sitting in my big round chair that sits on my deck. That's me and Tonk in the pictures above. Yes, it's nice enough for me to sit on the deck! And thanks to my new router, I have internet access out here too. I can hear kids playing on the little playground, crickets chirping, and my little Tonka monster chewing on a knee bone. (You can buy all sorts of cow parts including knee bones and trachea and dogs love them.) I am so much happier when the weather is warm. In the 3 years I've lived here I've used the deck maybe twice. I'm not sure why I don't do more out here, it's really nice and big! I'll make more of an effort to take advantage of these little things this year. However, I don't know how long I'll be living here to to that. I have been thinking a lot about moving home for a while. Maybe a year or so. I could save a ton of money, which is always a really good thing and I could make double payments on my Jeep. But while there are obvious financial advantages to this idea, I haven't decided if they out-weigh the disadvantages.
I'll be 25 this year. Twenty-five. Gross. I thought I'd be so much further ahead in "Life" at this point. And to be honest, I expect others to be too. I feel like if I move home I'm not only not moving forward, I'm going backwards. And I'm afraid that's how others (mostly guys) will view me as well. I know, I know, who cares what others think? Blah, blah, blah. But when you are single it matters a lot. I wouldn't date a guy who lived at home at 25. Even if he was in school. At 25 a person should be on their own, taking care of themself. I need to know that a guy can do this. Independence is a good quality. So, I worry that someone will want this same quality in me, and if I'm living at home, I'm not really portraying that. Even though, I've proven long enough that I can take care of myself. Or does that fact that I'm being smart and saving truck loads of money mean more than being capable of independence? I don't know? They say you have to be the person you want to be with. Just something I think about.
When I was in seminary (before I was kicked out, ha ha) in 9th grade our teacher gave us an assignment. We had to write a letter to our future self and he would mail them to us 5 years later. And he did. I received that letter when I was 20. I haven't read that letter since I received it almost 5 years ago, but I think about it often. In it, I wrote that I hoped that I was in a happy relationship with an amazing man. If I was married, I hoped that I was raising my family in the gospel. I hoped that I had continued my education as well. And I hoped that I was still close with those that I was friends with then. Well, to date I have done none of those things. I am inactive in the church. I am not married, don't have a boyfriend, and don't have any prospects. I have not completed any post high-school education. And I have no idea what any of those old friends are doing now. Some days I feel like a total failure. But then other days I think wow, look at all the other experiences I've had! I may not have a piece of paper that says I completed four years of school, but I have a resume that says I've been in the working world for longer than 4 years. I may not have someone I call my husband or boyfriend, but I've learned invaluable things about myself with each guy I've dated. I'm happy that I didn't marry the first boy I fell in love with. I am happy that I didn't go from living with my parents into a house with my husband, like a lot of girls in this state. I know that I can take care of myself. I can pay for all my own bills. And, while I may not keep in touch with my 9th grade friends, I've made new ones along the way.
I need to make a better effort to recognize the blessings in my life. I get down very easily and maybe I just need to re-read this post from time to time. Remind myself that I am capable of achieving the things I want, or at the very least seeing the silver lining in the things I am disappointed in. So someone should probably remind me of this post on my 25th birthday. ;)
4 comments:
Very good post!
Personally, I'd stay right where you are. What you mentioned about a partner is completely and totally true, unfortunately. Take my sister; she was on her own through college, but moved right in with our dad afterwards. She's turning 29 this year, that's all I'm saying. She's got some major dependency issues though, which you obviously don't.
Looks like you're a pretty strong and independent woman and that's a total turn-on in my eyes. That means you won't be spending your life with someone who wants you to rely on them for everything like a lot of women do. I think that's sad.
Oh, and that tree at Tonk's feet - because the picture's so small - makes it look like he's eating a slice of pizza. :)
You may be happy that you didn't marry your first serious boyfriend BUT I am still in denial about that whole situation quite frankly. Yes yes, you two are still meant to be together! Hehe :)
Annnnd
I don't really count as one of those girls that went from living with their parents to their spouses, because technically...I am not married, nor do I still live in Utah. Therefore...I am excluded :)
Well I'm sorry I disappointed you when I didn't marry him. But since I most likely will never marry you won't have to learn to live with anyone else. Bonus for you!
Sounds like you've got it going on Meagen. All I can say is thank goodness we don't always get locked into those ideas we had back in the day. I think that people who's lives don't go according to some master plan are not only more able to roll with what life dishes out, but are a heck of a lot more interesting.
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