Tonka-Monster

Where bottle caps go to die

Crack laced pudding!

Meagen: Not to changing the subject
but Mike just left...
and someone left a tupperware full of pudding on the doorstep...
WHAT!?
Who does that?
WTF am I supposed to do with mystery pudding?

Madi: so what are you going to do about the pudding?

Meagen: I just put it in the fridge

Madi: I am sure it was from a neighboor
or at least...
i hope so
dun dun dun

Meagen:
I know, right?
What if it was from a crack dealer?
And he was like ooh I'll give this girl pudding with a little bit of crack in it
and then she'll be hooked
and then she'll be like ooh give me more
and then I'll like have to find him
and he'll be like my crack dealer

Madi: Well at least you got some free tupperware woogoo

HAHAHAHA!

If I were to become a smoker..

this would be the scene that pushed me to want to do it.

Tunnel Vision

It's back. My inability to see the bigger picture. Also, the high of getting a full paycheck is gone. I'm sober now and it sucks. I have never, in my life felt so overwhelmed by debt. Seriously, before six months ago all my bills were always paid on time and down to zero, I always had savings, I always had options. Everything was executed as planned. Then everything blew up and I'm stuck with absolutely no avenues to take, zero options. I can't see any light at the end of this tunnel. None whatsoever. And it's really giving me some extreme anxiety.

I'm back to regretting each and every decision I've made in the last 2 years. I'm overwhelmed with thoughts of "if I had done this instead..." I am very much someone who doesn't regret decisions, who can ignore the little crap and see the big picture, but right now, in the last 36 hours, I'm replaying EVERYTHING. From buying that iPod, to kissing that boy, to moving to my new apartment. I long to live in my old condo where rent was almost $300/mo cheaper. It was home and holds so many happy memories. My new apartment is not home. Everyday I feel like if I hadn't moved here, if I hadn't wanted to play by the rules when getting Tonka, if I hadn't wanted to give myself more space to fill with "for when I own a home items'' things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand financially. I would have been able to stay on top of bills or at least made an honest effort do minimum payments or something.

I was driving home from work yesterday and it all hit me like a tsunami wave, and I've had this knot in my stomach since. I sat in the car for 30 min staring at the steering wheel trying to make sense of it all after I got home. I have so much ground to catch up on, I don't know that I'll ever be ahead like I was before I moved. I hate this feeling. I just can't shake it. How did everything get SO bad? I don't understand. And it's not just my dire financial situation. How did my life get so off course? How did I let myself become so negative and bitter? And how did so many lives close to me do the same thing? I think back to times with some of my old friends and I just don't understand how we got from there to here. How did so many of us go from having big dreams and goals of education, love, family, traveling, and living life to the fullest to working 9-5 minimum wage jobs, paycheck to paycheck, with the highlight being getting bad cocktails at Iggy's at the end of the week? I know that each of us have our free agency to make our own decisions, but seriously what the hell? What happened to everyone that made us think these were the right decisions? Maybe we thought these avenues were the only options to make? I don't know. I just can't figure it out. This can't be as good as it gets, can it?

Cadillac SUV

I want this car sooooooo badly! SERIOUSLY. I saw one driving home last week and followed it for miles just so I could look at it. So sexy.

First Paycheck

So I know that this post may be in bad taste, especially since there are so many people unemployed and looking for a paycheck anywhere possible, but I just can't help myself. I get my first full paycheck this Friday and I'm so EFFING excited I may just pee my pants. Seriously. Pee. My. Pants. My bank account will probably explode because it hasn't seen that much money in so long. And against all my better sense to just blow every single penny on materialistic things I'll never look at again after I've opened the packaging, (I mean really, what is two more weeks of avoiding bills when I haven't made a payment in 6 months?) I am going to do my best to start paying down some bills. I will probably hang the direct deposit slip on the fridge for a while. Or maybe frame it, put it on the mantle. At the very least I'll take a picture and send it to my Mom. They love things like that, right?

GPOYW

The I forgot my iPod in the car so I ran out in this edition. Fashion statement.

Job Update

So I got a job. The end. Ha ha just kidding. I started at SOS almost 3 weeks ago and I really love it. There is so much for me to do every day and I am learning all sorts of new stuff. Granted, it's all technology-nerdish stuff, its still valuable.

I am the Administrative Assistant to the CIO of SOS Staffing headquaters. which means I go to a lot of meetings, take a lot of notes, and remind people to do a lot of tasks. I also book travel, create PO's, make purchases, manage calendars, so on and so forth. All fun things I enjoy doing for a company that creates employment avenues for the unemployed. Great thing to be a part of when so many people are looking for work.

We've got a lot of big exciting projects that we'll be working on the in upcoming months and I'm grateful to be a part of them. My boss will be doing some work in our Hawaii office next week (poor him) so I will be shadowing a local branch for a few days to get a feel for how things work in the field. I'm pretty excited to do that. Anyway, I'm really happy to be working, the commute isn't as bad as I anticipated and I get my first full paycheck this Friday! YAY!

And that's why she is my sister and BFF

Click here and read.

Rollout

Jeeps and Coke. Nothing more American than that.

Brokeback Mountain

This is quiet possibly the greatest love story ever written. I love this movie and this kiss. If you've never seen this movie you need to.

Hair

I'm SO into this hair style on men right now. It's unbelievably sexy! Emile Hirsch and Leonardo Dicaprio rock it like no ones business.

Ashton Kutcher
What happens in Vegas

Don Draper
Mad Men

Colin Farrell

Pho

I went to lunch at Pho Cali today with a few people from work. It was my first time trying Pho and it was really really good! I'm sure I'll be frequenting there more and more since there aren't a lot of food places in WVC. Maybe I'll even learn how to use chop sticks? Probably not though.

GPOYW

GPOYW - I have missed the last two weeks because I am a slacker! But now I'm back. This is me on my commute to my fabulous new job. Seriously, I am in LOVE with working again. I've had such a great week! Cyndi has done a great job of training me and I feel like I'm really getting the hang of how everything works. I have lots of things I want to report on from the new job front, but I am way too exhausted to do it tonight. So I am shooting for either tomorrow night or first thing this weekend. I hope everyones days were fabulous!

Ridleys

Our local Albertson's has been bought out and will be changing brands. I went in there tonight for a few things and they've already started the move over to Ridleys. I signed up for a new "savings" card and got a free "green'' grocery bag! My favorite part were the handles on the carts.

Sidenote: Come back later this week (hopefully tomorrow) for an update on my FAB new job!