Heartbroken

I can't sleep because I can't stop crying. I took my Macbook Pro and external hard drive to Simple Mac yesterday to have a few things looked at. They plugged everything in and told me the external hard drive was empty. Which means all the photos, music, movies, tv shows, and files I moved from my Macbook Pro to the external hard drive were gone. They suggested I take it to a data recovery place and IF they can find anything it will cost $1000. I was heartbroken, but I thought well I still have a lot of things on my laptop. Simply Mac called me again today to come pick it up and they said that the logic drive is failing and it doesn't have much longer before it will die. To fix the drive will be $1050. Now, I'm out my laptop, which I love.

To say that I'm heartbroken would be an understatement. I am devastated. All my pictures, all my memories from the last six years are just gone. All the photos of when my family was last together and happy as a family are gone. All my baseball summers are gone. The pictures of when I bought the Jeep. The pictures I took the day I bought Tonka. They're all gone. I am so devastated. Like I've said, everything that is a piece of what defines me as a person gets taken away (my family, my tan, my Jeep, my figure, and now my Mac and my memories.......

Letters From Me

Dear external hard drive,

You were purchased so I could move all my photos, music, movies, shows, and files to you and then delete them from my laptop, giving it more space. You failed, horribly. You, for some unknown reason, threw out all my data and are now empty. You broke my heart. SERIOUSLY. You made me cry at Simply Mac. I hate you and will probably pull an Office Space on your ass.

Sincerely,

Meagen

************************************

Dear Moms with 14 kids in line at the grocery store,

Please SHUT THEM UP! Your little brat screaming at the very top of her lungs is not cute in any way shape or form. Shut her up. I don't care how you do it, just do it.
Sincerely,

Deaf and frustrated, Meagen
************************************
Dear 65 year old senior citizen driver,

Please stop driving. I know you think you've still got it and everything will be fine, but it's really not. You drive 15 mph under the limit and you switch lanes like you're the only one on the road. Also, that little stick on the left side of the steering wheel is called a turn signal. USE IT.

Sincerely,

Meagen
************************************
Dear Target Pharmacy,
YOU SUCK.

Sincerely,
Meagen
************************************
Dear Dentist,

You are a gouger. You charge outrageous prices to do mean things to my teeth. $250 to pull a tooth is so freaking insane.

Sincerely,

Meagen
************************************

Toothache

My tooth is killing me! Ughh. So about 8 months ago I had a crown fall off. It didn't break, it just fell off.  I haven't had a lot of extra cash to make a dentist appointment so, I just kept my crown and have been going about my business. I do my best to not chew on that side of my mouth and my tooth (or lack there of) hasn't bothered me until the last few days, but this morning I woke up to it KILLING me. It seriously hurts so much! I feel like my tooth has a heart beat. I've been putting ice chunks in my mouth and letting them melt around my tooth just to see if that will calm it down. And I know it must be bad since I take Lortab around the clock for my back and it's still hurting even with that in my system. I guess I can't put off a dental appointment any longer. Boo.

The Career Effect

I have a new opportunity that I'm pretty excited about guys! It's this new site called The Career Effect.  It's a site for everything career related. People can discuss career transition, techniques for building the perfect resume or find potential jobs, etc. I'll be doing some blog posts there as things continue to move along in my own job search. If there is anything you want me to discuss there (or here on my personal blog) just let me know! Leave me a comment or shoot me a quick email (link at the left). I just put up my first post this morning so everyone go check out the site and tell me what you think!

Ice

Here's a few pictures I took earlier this month of the ice in our backyard. 

Sanctuary

I went tanning tonight for the first time in probably 8 months. It was legendary! It was the best 9 minutes I've had in months. Tanning is my sanctuary. AH, I love it.

Playing in the Snow

We got 8.5 inches of snow the last few days, most of it falling Monday night and Marley love love loves it! I played with him in it last night for about a half hour or so. He's getting pretty good at catching snowballs in his mouth if you throw them up in the air. Tonka struggles when there's that much snow on the ground...because his legs aren't that long. Mar usually has to run around and stomp it all down for a bit before Tonka can join in the fun. Here's a few pictures and a video of them in their winter gear playing in the snow. 

 

 

 

Snow Gear

Tonka is ready for the snow! I got a gift card (thank you!) to Walmart for Christmas so I used a bit of it to get the little monster a winter coat. I was worried he wouldn't like it since he tends to be anti-clothes, but I think since I don't have to put it over his head to get it on him he was okay with it. The hood is my favorite part. I love that it covers his belly, since that seems to be the part of him that gets the wettest when he plays in the snow.

Thoughts

So I redesigned my blog, obviously. It was definitely time for an overhaul and I like the end result. It's been over a year since I've made any changes to it and I really like the new options Blogger has available.

I'm so ready for the holiday season to be over with. Seriously, I know that people around me just want to help, but they just don't understand how no Christmas is so much easier than attempting some broken resemblance of one. Call me Scrooge, but there are some things that a Christmas tree and lights just can't fix. Sorry to burst your little bubble but I just want January to get here as soon as possible.

I miss Madi, Brady, and Kelvin. I wish I could see them more often. Things don't seem so bad when I'm around Kelvin. And Madi makes me laugh like only my sisters can. They just understand things that no one else can.

I just caught up on all the new posts in my Google Reader and I've decided I can't read Nie Nie Dialogues anymore. I feel for her situation and I think it's remarkable the trials she has overcome but I can't handle seeing anymore naked pictures of her kids. I mean honestly, her one son is like 4 and is running around the house completely naked in angel wings? You can see his boy parts in one of the shots. Does anyone else find this seriously disturbing? And apparently he still takes baths in the kitchen sink. I don't have kids, but I think sink baths stop being appropriate when your kids start crawling.

I used to think that I'd never wish someone ill, but lately, I want to study voodoo just so I can curse a few people. I can't take much more of this "trial period" in my life. I just become more cynical and bitter with each passing day. Nothing seems to change despite the efforts I make. There's this saying 'What you do in life echoes in eternity'. Well, I sure as hell hope so. There are a few people I hope never out run the choices they've made.

I hate my hair. It's terribly ugly. It's like 3 different shades of blonde and it hasn't been cut in at least 8 months. I want to get it done so badly but there's always something that comes up with a higher priority. I avoid mirrors because I'm repulsed by what I see. My hair isn't blonde or maintained, I'm no longer tan, and my once cute curvy figure is nonexistent. I feel like I lose a little bit of myself with everything that is taken away; my family, my car, my movies, my independence. I know material things don't make a person, but it's still a part of who I thought I was. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm living, but I don't remember the last time I felt alive.