Thoughts

So I redesigned my blog, obviously. It was definitely time for an overhaul and I like the end result. It's been over a year since I've made any changes to it and I really like the new options Blogger has available.

I'm so ready for the holiday season to be over with. Seriously, I know that people around me just want to help, but they just don't understand how no Christmas is so much easier than attempting some broken resemblance of one. Call me Scrooge, but there are some things that a Christmas tree and lights just can't fix. Sorry to burst your little bubble but I just want January to get here as soon as possible.

I miss Madi, Brady, and Kelvin. I wish I could see them more often. Things don't seem so bad when I'm around Kelvin. And Madi makes me laugh like only my sisters can. They just understand things that no one else can.

I just caught up on all the new posts in my Google Reader and I've decided I can't read Nie Nie Dialogues anymore. I feel for her situation and I think it's remarkable the trials she has overcome but I can't handle seeing anymore naked pictures of her kids. I mean honestly, her one son is like 4 and is running around the house completely naked in angel wings? You can see his boy parts in one of the shots. Does anyone else find this seriously disturbing? And apparently he still takes baths in the kitchen sink. I don't have kids, but I think sink baths stop being appropriate when your kids start crawling.

I used to think that I'd never wish someone ill, but lately, I want to study voodoo just so I can curse a few people. I can't take much more of this "trial period" in my life. I just become more cynical and bitter with each passing day. Nothing seems to change despite the efforts I make. There's this saying 'What you do in life echoes in eternity'. Well, I sure as hell hope so. There are a few people I hope never out run the choices they've made.

I hate my hair. It's terribly ugly. It's like 3 different shades of blonde and it hasn't been cut in at least 8 months. I want to get it done so badly but there's always something that comes up with a higher priority. I avoid mirrors because I'm repulsed by what I see. My hair isn't blonde or maintained, I'm no longer tan, and my once cute curvy figure is nonexistent. I feel like I lose a little bit of myself with everything that is taken away; my family, my car, my movies, my independence. I know material things don't make a person, but it's still a part of who I thought I was. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm living, but I don't remember the last time I felt alive.