Book Quote

"When you're lost in the woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered a few feet off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it's time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises anymore." --Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

FML

I love how each time I sign into Monster to search for jobs the first "recommended" job they give is my old position. Yeah. No shit, Sherlock.

Blog Sale: Craft Edition

I've got a few more things for sale! Yippee!

As always, if you are interested in purchasing an item send me an email (link on the right or meagenridley at gmail dot com) or leave me a comment. First come, first serve, cash only.

Let me know if you have any questions!

Memories Photobox - $50
This box was hand painted and sanded by myself then I added the "Memories" using white rub-on letters This photo box is approximately 6x8x6. It can hold a photo on each end and then a total of 128 4x6 photos inside

Red Love Frame - $15

This is a red 8x10 wood frame. The edges have been lightly sanded and the word "Love" has been added to the glass on the lower right hand corner.

 

Green Cherish Frame - $15

This is a green 8x10 wood frame. The edges have been lightly sanded and the word "Cherish" has been added to the glass on the upper left hand corner.

Three Little Windows Frame - $20

I hand painted and sanded this frame. It's 5x12x1.5 and will hold 3 pictures sized 3.25 x 3.25

Dark Blue Scarf - $15

Hand knit tube scarf with tassel ends. 

WINTER BEANIES

Each beanie hand made with high quality yarn. Click on the photo for a larger version of each picture.

All adult sized beanies are $15 and kids sized are $13.

KIDS SIZE BEANIES --$13

Orange

Green with Blue Trim

Rainbow

ADULT SIZED BEANIES --$15

Blue - I have 2 of these

Green

Yellow

Pink

Cleaning out my closets

My life has taken a change of course. Or maybe now it just has a course (even as short and day to to day as it may feel right now) if that makes sense? Before I just did whatever I wanted and was okay with that. Maybe I shouldn't have been, or actually it was the greatest time of my life?! While everyone around me was getting married and having babies (and I often envied each of you) I lived on my own baby! I wasn't tied down, I could do whatever and whomever I pleased at any time. And dammit it was fun! I did/done/am doing something that few women in my area (good old LDS land) actually do because they immediately get hitched after high school. And I'm proud of it. I did and am doing a damn fine job. I have absolutely no regrets in the last five years of my life. I made my own choices and have taught myself to be self-sufficient and be my own person. I may have had doubts (a lot) at times along the way, but who doesn't? Shesh, go me go. Anyway, back to my purpose of this post...

With the loss of my job I have been forced to clean out each and every aspect of my life. All my closets. Everything hit at once. I was forced to go through all of my bills and figure how I am going to make it through jobless for a bit. Not counting my car I have less than $3K debt. Which in the big picture is nothing.

I have been given the opportunity to finally have time to figure out my health - the issue with my ear and passing out on a regular basis. I can get to the bottom of my knee, shoulder (think this is solved already though) and lower back pain instead of just masking it with pain pills on a daily basis. I am hoping to resolve my sleeping problems, but while I'm not sure these are solvable, I'm optimistic about it. All of this stress has brought on an extreme amount of anxiety, which I went and got help with (instead of just trying to ignore it and convince myself that it's no different than what anyone else is experiencing). While the anti-anxiety medication is a short term fix, it has helped tremendously. Hopefully, there will be a time soon when I am not taking 8 different medications on a daily basis and I can just be healthy.

A few days after losing my job and my awesome 25th birthday (sensing my sarcasm?) I got a few lovely (more sarcasm) emails with questions and accusations regarding a passed relationship. While it was awful, I dealt with it (INSANELY maturely, if I do say so myself) and I was able to close that chapter of my life once and for all. I should have done what I did a year ago. I know none of what I just said makes sense to anyone, because I kept the entire situation to myself (and I still intend to - so don't even ask me about it - it's done and done) but it was time I dealt with it so I can move on for real this time. Thank God.

Along with the cleaning out of my closets (literally - I cleaned my actual closets and found lots of things to sell! Buy them all here!) I've been forced to update all the little things in my life for example - my email address. I've had that "tanyabunsoff" since high school. Good grief, it was a joke, and I can't put that as my contact for a resume! Ha ha! So I updated all of that. My resume, email, calendars, and I updated my Google Reader last night. It took me forever but damn it's nice. Everything is listed by the person's name, and I got rid of all the people that have gone "private" and I can't see their feeds, I deleted blogs of people that haven't posted in forever. It was uh-mazing. I want to screenshot it and post it, it's that good. Kidding. Sort of. So along with updating those things I went through the "Posting" tab on my own blog. I had a lot of drafts that I started and never posted. Some I wished I had, others it's good I didn't. So I cleaned those up, but there were a few that I wanted to put out there for the sake of recording how I was feeling at one point. I hope anyone that is still reading this gets a laugh or two out of them, if not that's fine I did it for me! One of them is from last night (which I'll post at the end).

Things That Must Go Text Message Edition - drafted 07/14/09 @ 4:04PM

-When people don't send the obligatory "thank you" "okay" texts. This totally bugs. I want each and every one of my texts to be acknowledged!

-Grammar. I don't mind missing the apostrophes or comma's. But I can't stand the "U" or "cause" or "2". Seriously type everything out.

-Boys who text me from a different phone hoping I will write back because I didn't respond to the texts from their phone number they originally gave me. This will NOT help your case for wanting me to respond. Seriously.

The Invisible Asshole - drafted 10/03/09 @ 9:32AM
I slept like poo. Maybe it was the Xanax. Or the Ambien. Or the Alcohol. LOL. Falling asleep wasn't a problem, obviously. It was my dreams or something that I don't even know the name of since it happened when I was awake, it couldn't have been a dream. So I wake up, and I feel like someone is holding me. Down. HOLDING ME DOWN. I couldn't move. I think I tried to yell for help, I think, but I don't remember. I'll ask Holli when she wakes up. But she wouldn't have heard me since she sleeps like a rock under another pile of rocks. I do remember it feeling awful though. I just wanted to get up and get a drink I was soo thirsty! But some invisible asshole was holding me down!

Untitled - drafted 10/04/09 @ 4:00AM
Wow. It's after 4AM and I'm not sleeping because 1: I didn't take my sleeping pill 2: I have nothing to be awake for at a decent hour tomorrow and 3: I'm cleaning out my life. Seriously. Each and every aspect of it. And let me just say, right now, in this very moment, I feel fanfuckingtastic! I'm high but I'm grounded. I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed. I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby. I'm terrified, but in control. I'm able to take on all of the trials that are currently laying in the road ahead of me. Watch out world, because seriously there is a new me on the horizon and she's going to be a bitch on wheels.

Let me explain. In the last 3 weeks in particular I have been dealt one life changing disaster after another. I lost my job (on my fucking birthday!), was diagnosed with 2 different types of diseases (Meniere's and a Thyroid condition), came into contact with a long time friend that was at one point in time very close to my heart, have severed ties with someone that should have happened long ago, and determined that they are non-repairable. And this is just the last three weeks, friends! This doesn't even include the previous 10 months of this year. Let's not forget the 8 months of chronic migraines, the 6 root canals, the dislocated shoulder, the passing out, fluid in the ears, 4 (oh wait make that 5 now) rounds of steroids, 30 additional lbs due to the prednisone and thyroid issue, and my chronic insomnia. Oh and that's just me. Don't forget about my family's trials. Tough stuff girls and boys. And I feel for those going through similar or worse trials in their own lives.

Life is so damn hard. But I've decided to take it on with a new perspective. Honesty and courage. Not that I have been dishonest in the past, I've just been reserved. I was reserved with my feelings towards my relationships with guys, co-workers, family, etc. I would do blog posts with half truths, tell the situation, but not how I REALLY felt. I would put on the face that everything is fine, and I was dealing, but inside I was going crazy with extreme trials of anxiety, confusion, heartache and pain. Not anymore. I'm finished holding in these things for the sake of others. My sanity is immediately taking a leap into first place on my list of priorities. For the first time in my life, I am going to worry only about me and what I want. Too many times I have put myself out there to be supportive and the backbone for others only to be shit all over and heartbroken. In the words of Linkin Park, "Today this ends". So, that having been said, I'm going to start with more honesty on MY blog. No more holding back on things I'm feeling for the sake of those reading it. I may loose a few readers because of it, and I'm okay with that. My blog is an incredible outlet, and I am going to take full advantage.

Before I was reserved because I knew over 50% of my old co-workers (including my former boss) read it. My reservations are no more. If you get offended by what I am feeling or the words I use to describe it, stop reading. I don't care. My blog is for my own sanity and I'll say what I want.

I want to surround myself with good people. Good people by my standards, not those that are set by the society and community I live in.

That was as far as I got in that final post, but I still feel the same way today. I'm going to be the same me, just with less reservations-they only held me down inside. All my closets are sparkly clean and I'm ready for whatever lies ahead. Hello world.

The Last Kiss

“Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. What you feel only matters to you. It’s what you do to the people you say you love. That's what matters. That's the only thing that counts." -The Last Kiss

This is quiet possibly the greatest scene from any love movie ever made. Well, maybe not the greatest, but it's in my top ten for sure. I just love it. It's so true. And I can't stop thinking about how simply perfect it is. And as corny as it sounds, I know someone out there needs to see/hear it. I know it. So here you go.

Blog Sale!

Well this will be one part interesting experiment and another part hope to hell it works because I need the cash!

My parents had a yard sale a few weeks ago and I didn't have the time to gather up any of the stuff I wanted/needed to unload. I used some of my me time last week and put it all together. It's a little late in the season to do another yard sale and I don't have enough stuff to do one on my own. So I'm throwing it all up on my blog, Craigslist, KSL, and Facebook for everyone to buy! I have some cool stuff! I just don't need it anymore. And I'm unemployed. So actual cash for bills is far more important right now.

So here's how it will work. I'll post a picture of each item, list any info I have on it, and an asking price. First come, first serve- cash only or PayPal. If you want something at a different price, let me know in the comment - I'm open to negotiations! You can also email me (meagenridley at gmail dot com) or text/call me if you know my number with questions. I don't mind shipping things as long as the buyer is willing to pay for it.

All of the items listed work and are in great condition. If you would like more pictures or close-ups just ask because I've got them ready to send to anyone interested. Happy shopping!
iMac G5 - $650
Screen is 17x11, comes with original keyboard. I purchased the new keyboard (shown) and will throw it in (instead of the original keyboard) for an additional $35 (retails at $49)
Comes with latest OS, Microsoft Office, and iLife 08, runs great perfect. I have a MacBook Pro and don't need both

Verizon Motorola Q Phone - $70 --SOLD--
Phone comes with extended battery, leather carrying case, 2 wall chargers, and brand new headset.

Kodak EasyShare CX7330 - $65

3.1mp / 3X zoom - Comes with original box and software and a 128MB SD card

iPod Video 30g - $150
White, original packaging and software, USB cord, 2 protective covers included

Garth Brooks The Limited Series Collectors Set - $15
Albums include: Double Live (2 discs), The Lost Sessions, Sevens, Scarecrow, and All Access Concert Disc. Comes in collectors case with 60 page book with color photos and lyrics to each album. - Seriously cool if you are GB fan!

New Puppy Pack - $110 for everything

If you are in the market for a new puppy, this is all stuff you'll have to buy. I will sell all of it together or each thing separately. If you'd like to purchase only one piece, just send me an email or comment with an offer.

Pack includes: Puppy exercise cage with locking door ($90 value) (the puppy cage has SOLD), 3 outfits (will fit a dog 5-8lbs), doggy liter boxes (2 sizes), 1/2 pack of puppy liter, 2 packs of training potty pads, food/water dish, puppy carrier (will hold a dog up to 25lbs)

Office Chair - $20 --SOLD--

Black leather office chair, very comfy! Those aren't blemishes on the bottom, I had just wiped the dust off the chair and it wasn't dry yet!

Laptop bag/purse - $7 --SOLD--

Never used laptop bag, lots of pockets for chargers, wallets, or business cards.

Green Laptop/Shoulder Bag - $7

This bag was used once and has lots of padding to protect your laptop. There are also pockets on the inside and out for other items.

Maroon Laptop Bag/Purse - $5 --SOLD--

The picture makes the bag look very pink, but it is actually a darker maroon.

Black Heals - $7

I bought these to wear to a wedding that I didn't end up attending so they are brand new. Size 7.5.

Vintage Lamp - $12

I love this lamp and purchased it from a vintage shop for over $40. But I don't have the space for it anymore. The lighting mechanism needs to be replaced (little thing where the light bulb goes) and it needs a new light bulb.

Quote

“I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I’m going to take a stand. I’m going to defend it. Right or wrong, I’m going to defend it.

Cameron, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

I'm so sad.

I probably should have known as the clock got closer and closer to midnight, but I didn't. I got stood up tonight. Well not stood up I guess, just canceled on. But stood-up/canceled on, either way my feelings were hurt. I was supposed to go get some food (waffles - I need them like air, I am on round 4 of Prednisone and this time round I need waffles like they are going out of style. Everyday. I love them.) and watch Prison Break with my long lost friend, but he canceled on me. He works his tail off at two jobs and Monday's are rough so I understand and we were out VERY late last night, but STILL I was soo excited to hang out him. I was so excited I even put up a FB status about how much I was looking forward to. I went tanning and showered, and even shaved my legs. I picked out a cute outfit and was all ready to go and then he canceled on me. :( I'm totally bummed out right now. Boo.

Unemployed

I didn't sleep until 4AM this morning. I was extremely stressed out and experiencing major anxiety all week. I was so overwhelmed that 1.5 Ambien and 2 Percocet didn't put me sleep. Why was I so stressed you might be wondering? Well, Doba terminated my loyal employment of almost 4 years on Tuesday, my 25th birthday no less. 

Doba decided that they were no longer going to be able to continue the relationship because I used all of my Paid Time Off (PTO) for sickness and accidents. I am devestated by this, but oddly relieved. For the better part of a year I have been through many health trials (8 months of chronic migraines, 6 root canals, torn up knee, food poisoning, shoulder dislocation, etc.) and through them all I never felt like I had the opportunity to clear my head and fully recover because I was always worried about my job. I no longer have that concern so hopefully I can focus on getting my mental and phsyical issues in order again. I've got 3 different doctor appointments scheduled already for next week. 

I am trying my best to have a positive outlook, to see the silver lining, but I just can't right now. I know I will find something else, I'm just so overwhelmed. I am so overwhelmed with the events of this past week and year that I went to the doctor yesterday and got some anti-anxiety medication (Xanax) it seems to be helping, but right now I can hardly type I am so nervous and scared feeling that I have zero direction in my life. I ended up taking two last night (or this morning rather) to help me relax so I could get a few hours of shut eye before my long last day of working at Doba. :( I am so sad. I loved my job, truly I did. I just don't understand, I had a rough year health-wise and emotionally, things that are out of my control, and I get fired for it.

So, the next seven days are going to be all about me. I am going to do the things that I want, things that make me happy. Spend time with my dog, sleep in late, tan, and work out. Tie up a bunch of loose ends I haven't had the time or energy to deal with until now. After my "all about me vaca" my aggressive job search begins! I hope I am able to find something that helps me grow as an individual and work well with a group of similarly open minded people. I may also look into returning to school. I would probably qualify for some grants or assistant since I am unemployed. This may be the route I need to take.

If anyone knows of any HR, administrative assistant type jobs in Utah-County I would appreciate the information on them. I need at least $40,000/year to stay in my current living conditions. I have a resume ready to send, just shoot me an email with directions and the job description. Also, I've updated my email address to meagenridley at gmail .com. I'll check the other one regularly but I'm trying to get everything moved over ASAP.

I asked Holli to move in with me for a few months until the end of the year. I'm excited for the time we'll get to spend and that she will be able to help me a bit with rent and the Tonka-monster. I love her so much more than I could ever put into words. She has been staying with me in some compacity for the last month and I am so very grateful for this. She helps tremendously with Tonka and she cleans and makes me not feel so lonely. She and Madi are my very best friends and I need their support right now. My parents are very loving and supporting and I know they will do their best to keep me a float until I find something new.

Since I know a lot of my Doba coworkers read my blog, I wish each of you the very best. Please stay in touch via email (above or the link to the right) and Facebook. I have a feeling I will be either offline for the next few days to week or online a ton looking for jobs. We'll see. Enjoy your weekends and I will do my best to make good use of the time off I unexpectedly have.