Best of 2009

The bright spots in 2009 were few and far between for me, but here's hoping 2010 brings many many more.

GPOYW

Oh boy. I forgot about GPOYW, and I can't take a single decent picture of myself at the moment. So you get this. The my nephew is so damn cute I could pee my pants edition!

Not Ready To Make Nice

Oh boy. Yeah, that about explains it. I'm just sayin'. Woo....

Not Ready to Make Nice

Dixie Chicks

Forgive, sounds good

Forget, I'm not sure I could

They say time heals everything

But I'm still waiting

I'm through with doubt

There's nothing left for me to figure out

I've paid a price

And I'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice

I'm not ready to back down

I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time

To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right

I probably wouldn't if I could

Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself

To do what it is you think I should

I know you said

Can't you just get over it??

It turned my whole world around

And I kinda like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby

With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'

It's a sad, sad story when a mother will teach her

Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger

And how in the world can the words that I said

Send somebody so over the edge

That they'd write me a letter sayin' that I better

Shut up and sing or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice

I'm not ready to back down

I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time

To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right

I probably wouldn't if I could

Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself

To do what it is you think I should

I'm not ready to make nice

I'm not ready to back down

I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time

To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right

I probably wouldn't if I could

Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself

To do what it is you think I should

What it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good

Forget, I'm not sure I could

They say time heals everything

But I'm still waiting

GPOYW

The I have a date tonight so I won't have time to post this later edition. :) Yay!

Shopping List

It's a sad state when the dog's shopping list is longer than the people list.

A's to Your Q's 1.3

I've had a few more questions come from my new reader Drew Davis.

Drew asked...

1) What's your favorite comfort food?
2) What was your last concert?
3) What/who do you envy?
4) If you could switch places/lives with someone famous who would it be? How about someone not famous?
5) If you could live a movie, what would it be?

First, those are really great questions and I am happy to meet you Drew!

1) I would have to say my comfort food is ice cream. I love it. All kinds, it's just so good and I'm always reminded of good times I've had eating ice cream with friends and at ball games. Another comfort food is my Dad's pasta salad. Wow, I just love it. Its really simple to make and it tastes amazing. For the recipe to his salad and many other foods I love please visit My Recipology Blog.

2) This is a tough question. I am not a big concert attender but the last show I attended was Trans-Siberian Orchestra in 2007. They put on an amazing show. I wish I could afford to go every year and if you haven't seen it I would highly recommend it.

3) Right now, I envy those with great paying jobs, good benefits, all while working for good people. I have been out of work since the end of September, and I am going a little crazy looking for something new. The market is slim and it gets more and more frustrating as time goes on. I am looking for an administrative/executive assistant type position, maybe even office manager. I need roughly $40,000 a year annually. If anyone knows of a position, please email me and let me know the details. I am qualified and excel very well managing my time and those of others. I have a resume and cover letter ready to send and can be available for interviews any time Mon-Fri 8AM-5PM. I can start work immediately.

I also envy those that call fall asleep naturally on their own. I haven't been able to do this for a good two years. I have to take a heavy duty prescription medication nightly and its just not what I want to do long term anymore. I want to be able to lay my head on the pillow, relax, and fall asleep. But I can't. Currently, when I lay my head down a a circus goes off in my head. Commercials and songs start replaying over and over and I simply can not shut it down. It's very frustrating.

Additionally, I envy those not taking Prednisone on a regular basis. It is a wicked drug with many awful side effects. I just want my life and appearance back to what it was prior to the Prednisone. Hopefully, soon.

4)This one is really tough. Someone famous, well I think I would have to go with Marilyn Monroe, back in her prime. I would love to know what it felt like to have all men want you in one way or another. She was incredibly gorgeous and I think it would be fun to have that kind of attention if only for a day. Otherwise, I would probably switch places with someone that has decided on their path of life. They have decided what they want to be when they grow up and are in school or on the path to achieving their goal. I know of a few things that I want to do at some point in my life, for example, I want to attend Culinary Arts school. But it's not what I want to do when I grow up, I just want to be able to cook incredibly well for my future husband and possible family. I would like to switch places with someone that is not afraid to speak his/her mind. Someone who says what they mean and means what they say. I am a reserved person and sometimes it's a battle for me to express what I am really feeling or thinking.

5) Wow, this one is really tough. I love movies. Love, love, love. But I'm thinking instead of a movie I'd have to go with TV show and I'd like to live in Grey's Anatomy, Rescue Me, or Mad Men. Grey's, well I just love that show. I want to be in love with McDreamy. Rescue Me, hello?? Firemen. Everywhere. Yeah I'd like one of them too. And Mad Men, well I just love that era, I love the old school New York and the clothes and how the secretaries use typewriters. There are bars in each office and just what you did. I don't like how women are treated in the workplace though.

Anyway, thanks again for the questions, I hope I answered them to the best of my ability. If anyone has any other questions they'd like for me to answer with full honesty, just leave them in the comments section on this post or by clicking here.

Goodbye and So Long Prednisone

Well today I start tapering down on my Prednisone medication for the last time hopefully. Which means there is a good possibility my ears are going to go nuts, fill with fluid and I'm going to have a lot of pressure in my head and I'll be dizzy and grumpy for the next week or longer. I'm trying to get off of it before my appointment with the Rheumatologist on Dec 28th.

Prednisone is a steroid that can really help resolve problems in some people if they can tolerate the side effects. Generally, the medication is taken in "rounds" of 7-14 days, where you begin with a dose of 40 milligrams for four days, and then 20 milligrams for 4 days, etc, etc, until you are down to zero. I have been on it daily since the beginning of June 2009.

Prednisone and I have a major love-hate relationship. When used on a temporary basis (like listed above) it can be a wonder drug. It is designed to remove all inflammation by shrinking the excess fluid from your body and joints. So if you have knee or back pain, it should shrink all of the pain, thus making you feel a lot better. It is used for a wide variety of other reasons but it was prescribed to me to relieve the pain, pressure, vertigo, and other symptoms associated with the fluid on my inner ears. It has helped with this tremendously. However, once I finish each 'round' of the medication the symptoms return within a matter of 2-3 days and I end up in bed (or the ER) with massive headaches, feeling like my ears are going to explode and with such severe vertigo I can't get to the bathroom without passing out. I have tried other medications, but this seems to be the only thing that keeps my symptoms at bay enough for me to function on a day to day basis. However, with the long term use of this I have experienced a bout of side effects that are borderline unbearable anymore. I may have touched on these problems in previous posts here and here. But brought to you by Wikipedia here is a list of side effects associated with long term use of Prednisone and other steroids.

increased blood sugar for diabetics

weight gain

facial swelling/moon pie face

depression, mania, psychosis or other psychiatric symptoms

unusual fatigue or weakness

mental confusion / indecisiveness

blurred vision

abdominal pain

painful hips or shoulders

Long term migraines

insomnia

severe joint pain

anxiety

stomach pain or bloating

severe swelling

stretch marks

nervousness

acne

rash

increased appetite

frequent urination

diarrhea

sensitive teeth

Check. Check. Check. And check. This may be a little too much information for some of you but I have suffered from each of those lovely side effects for the last 6 months. I can't take it anymore. The weight gain, the insomnia (in addition to my already existing issue), the severe facial swelling, the night sweats, I am always hot, and shaky. UGH. I mean honestly - this is a picture of me before my first round of Prednisone and then another taken the first of November. It makes me want to cry. It's awful and depressing. My face looks like a moon pie and I won't even mention what the rest of me looks like with 40 extra lbs in 6 months.

We still do not know what the source of the problem is. I have seen general physicians, ENT's, neurologists with no improvement. I have an appointment with a rheumatologist at the end of the month. So I am hoping he will have some answers or suggestions for me. After that the next step is to call the Shae Ear Clinic in Memphis, TN and see if they could offer me some hope, maybe a consultation over the phone or anything. Who knows. I just hope that the next week detoxing from this crap isn't going to be as awful as I am anticipating and I am apologizing in advance for any bitchyness coming from me. Wish me luck in my detox efforts!

GPOYW

Clearly our attempt to recreate the Grey's Anatomy scene failed. We just look like two dead girls and a dog under a Christmas tree. Ha. Whatever.

Life- in a sentence

Dear Santa...

I'd like Jared Leto for Christmas. Oh and also the new 30 Seconds to Mars album. But mostly just him. K? Thanks, bye.

New Shelf

I needed a project so I bought this shelf and some paint from Roberts. I hung it above my desk in my bedroom. I love it and I really needed another spot for books. Everyone like? I know the little cream frame needs a picture, blah blah blah. I've had the frame out for 2 years without one. I don't plan on adding one anytime soon. I think I need to get rid of that rot red heart though. Meh.

Carmel Apple Suckers

They are my favorite, I love them. And apparently Tonka does too because he shares one with me almost daily. And he's figured out where they are in one of the night stands too, oops.

GPOYW

I had a root canal today, thus the lack of facial picture. I'm swollen. So here is the I-had-a-root-canal-so-I-bought-new-sweats-to-watch-the-new-Harry-Potter in edition. YAY!

More

I've spent the last several weeks trying to figure out what I want. In life, in love, in the future. And all I can conclude is that I want more. I want more than Doba would ever offer, I want more than Chris was ever capable of giving, I want to be bigger than I think possible. I just want more.

I want a job that I enjoy going to each day, I want to be challenged. I didn't have either of those things the last year I worked at Doba and I knew it. Part of it was on me, I think the other part was the direction of the company. There wasn't any more oomph, employees were no longer first on the list and things just changed. I didn't enjoy it any more.

I want to be with a man that makes me a priority. I want to be all they think about. I want to be needed. I want someone that pushes for our relationship to move forward. I want someone that stands up for me. I want a man that is proud to be with me, someone that shows me off, instead of dating me only when convenient for them. I want a guy that takes me someplace wearing a suit. I mean good god, I've never been anywhere where a suit and tie was dress code. That request may be small and insignificant, but I want it. I deserve more than the guys I've dated the last 3 years.

I want more from life. I want to be really happy. I want to have a reason to get out of bed in the morning again. Instead of having to give myself a pep talk just to get into the shower. I just want more, and I don't know exactly what it takes to get it, but at least I have a goal now. Improvement in itself.

Fireplace, Dr. Mario, and Living Room Sleepovers

I'm unemployed and bored out of my mind. So my sweet Dad let me borrow their Wii so I can play Dr. Mario! I was the queen freaking bee of this game back in the day, seriously. I'm not as good any more but I'm happy to have something to kill an hour here and there.

We also got our fireplace working! So we decided to sleep in the living room one night by the fire. It was way fun! You can kinda see the flames in this photo.

Fajita Tradition

Holli, Madi, and I started a tradition years ago. Whenever the Rents go out of town we (and by we I mean I) make chicken fajitas for dinner and we also buy Butterfingers. The first time we did this we ate fajitas and Butterfingers for dinner every night for an entire week. What can I say? My fajitas are just that good.

So my parents went to California to visit Madi, Brady, and KK for Thanksgiving and of course Holli and I continued the tradition and added margaritas to the mix. Yum! I love to cook.

Going Raw

Soo Holli and I are going on the Raw Food Diet. Sorta. She is going to do it pretty hard core, because she has to for her health. I live with her and it's just easier if we eat similar things, so I'll be doing portions of it too.

She went and bought a bunch of fruit and I bought the veggies. I just spent the last hour washing and dividing and cutting it all up. Look how easy breakfast, lunch, and snacks are!

Veggies: Carrots, broccoli, olives, green beans, cherry tomatoes, cucumber. Dip: Hidden Valley Green Onion dip

Fruits: Red and green apples, mandarin oranges, peaches, cantalope, bananas. I put a little lemon juice in each one as well to keep everything fresh. I didn't add the bananas, because they would go rotten too fast, but we've got those too.

The Lovely Bones

I'm so excited to see this movie! I really liked this book and lets face it, I like anything with Mark Wahlberg. He is YU-UM. In fact, I think I'll watch Three Kings now. And then maybe Shooter.

GPOYW

Ummm... Yeah. He's crazy in love with me.