The Career Effect

I have a new opportunity that I'm pretty excited about guys! It's this new site called The Career Effect.  It's a site for everything career related. People can discuss career transition, techniques for building the perfect resume or find potential jobs, etc. I'll be doing some blog posts there as things continue to move along in my own job search. If there is anything you want me to discuss there (or here on my personal blog) just let me know! Leave me a comment or shoot me a quick email (link at the left). I just put up my first post this morning so everyone go check out the site and tell me what you think!

I want to move far far away...

I want to leave Utah, permanently. Today I drove my Dad to an appointment in Salt Lake and as we drove home I got a different feeling about my surroundings. Aside from the weather I've always enjoyed living in Utah. My immediate family was here, my circle of friends, and I had a great job. In the past I have thought about what it would be like to live in another state, but I never really had anything pushing me to go. Whenever I would get the urge to branch out of the Utah County bubble I knew I had the option of moving north to Salt Lake for more culture and a different set of people. But the idea of Salt Lake isn't enough anymore.

I hate Utah. I think it's awful. For starters, I LOATHE the weather. We used to have four distinct seasons: spring, summer, fall, winter. But in recent years we've had cold more than half the year. Spring consists of a few warm days and then bam! it's 95 degrees for three months and then it's back to freezing my ass off. I'm not into skiing or snowboarding so winter sports are not a draw for me.

Next, I don't like a lot of the people here. Say what you want, but the people of Utah are SO judgemental. I have a theory, and it involves the predominate religion so I won't go into it but I wish people  could just be more accepting of others.

I am unemployed and have been for some time now. I have been looking for a job, any job for 6 months. And let's not forget the 6 months I looked for work after things ended with Doba. It is an employers market, and while I have a lot of experience and I am a great worker, there are so many people looking for work. It's just been a struggle for a year now and I just want a new landscape with different companies and more opportunities.

I have slim to none friends here anymore. Anyone I considered a friend once has now gotten married and are starting families. And that is wonderful, but it's hard to keep a friendship strong when you are at totally different stages in life. I need a new circle.

You know the saying 'wherever you go, there you are'? Well I'd like a chance to prove that saying wrong. My past/current situation seems to follow me here no matter where I go. I'm at the doctor and I get asked about my Mom. I go to the grocery store and the checkers ask about my Dad or my sister. I go on job interviews and they know my former co-workers or bosses and they want to know why I would EVER quit working for them. Gahg. If only I could say the things I really want to say. Whatever. I just want to go someplace where no one knows me or my situation. I want a clean slate.

Lastly, I am pretty well finished with the church. The church was once a thing that kept me near Utah as I thought it was something I always wanted to have in my life. I also had this notion that my odds in finding "the one," the guy I'm supposed to build a life with were higher if I stayed in a place that was filled with men of the LDS faith. Well, I don't believe those things anymore. I don't believe in "the one". I believe that we chose who we want to mold ourselves to in order to build a life together. Someone wasn't made for us. A person can make life work with more than just one person. And as for the church,  if at some point I decide to participate and incorporate it back into my life I don't have to be in Utah for that.

I'm not sure where I will end up yet and it won't happen for a while, but I do know one thing for certain, I want out of Utah. There's just nothing left here for me.

Movies

I have a severe case of blogger's block and boredom! I've got nothing going on so I don't really have anything to blog about. Being unemployed blows. I never know what day of the week it is, because every day is the same. It's all just a blur of watching movies, eating, and sleeping. I have watched sooo many movies and TV shows it's sad. And clearly you can tell how bored I am by the fact that I even took the time to put this post together with all the links. Yes, I actually linked each and every one of them, just in case you feel like seeing the trailers. Ugh.

Here's what I have watched since end of September:

Grey's Anatomy (Seasons 1-5)

Rescue Me (Seasons 1-5) *twice!*

Desperate Housewives (Seasons 1-5)

The Shield (Season 1)

Mad Men (Season 2)

Die Hard

Die Hard 2: Die Harder

Live Free Die Hard

Underworld

Underworld: Evolution

The Matrix

The Matrix Reloaded

The Matrix Revolutions

Taking Lives

Rounders

As Good As It Gets

3000 Miles to Graceland

Girl, Interrupted

The Diary of a Mad Black Woman

Feeling Minnesota

The Proposal

Mad Money

The Amateurs

Waiting

Smokin' Aces

Good Will Hunting

The Departed

28 Days

3:10 To Yuma

Assault on Precinct 13

Bad Boys 2

Fight Club

Big Momma's House

Boat Trip

Grumpy Old Men

Grumpier Old Men

Independence Day

Tombstone

After I look through the list it's like I watch one movie and then the next one usually has at least one of the same actors as the previous movie. It's like Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon-ish!

Two things..

I've learned while being unemployed. Me and my Cocomotion make a damn good chai latte.

And I love waking up to kisses from this little guy in the mornings.

Good Mojo

Hmm..Well this weekend started off with some poetic justice through the mail. Friday, my unemployment was approved, which is a huge relief off of my mind. I will have some (albeit very small) amount of income coming in weekly and with a little help I am going to be able to stay in my apartment and on my feet for the foreseeable future. AWESOME news.

I am so grateful that my claim was approved, it was such a huge relief, I can't even explain. I am even more grateful to finally be able to make headway with what I want to do from here. I am going to be able to make Nov rent and get back on my feet financially. While on unemployment, I can make up to 30% of my weekly earnings in addition to and still earn the full unemployment benefit amount, so that means I can go get a part time job doing something to fill in the gap until I find a much more permanent occupation. So that is the plan for right now. Find part time employment to fill in gaps and pay off bills that have stacked up over the last month. As far as progress there, I applied for two clerical type jobs this evening, one of which has the potential to be more than a part time gig. I am also open to doing anything else really, I wouldn't mind cashiering at a craft store or even like stocking shelves at Target or wherever during the evenings. Just something part time that allows me the time to interview for more permanent jobs, and go to doctors appointments to figure out my continuing ears and knee issue. So if anyone hears of anything let me know.

On the cash front, I am still selling my iMac ($650), enV cell phone ($75), and iPod Classic with accessories ($100). Please leave a comment or email me if you are interested. I've linked the items with pictures in past posts or you can see all of them on my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/meagenridley.

With that good news brightening my outlook, I think I may do something a little crazy. No, I'm not getting a 2nd tattoo (but that may be a good idea, I know what/where I want it and I'm in sort of a transitional phase right now....) Anyway! Nov 1st I am putting up my Christmas tree and all my decorations! I went shopping with my Mom today and we went though all the Christmas sections and I just really got into the spirit. I just rearranged my living room and I have the perfect spot for it. And I have all this free time on my hands...I just want to put them out! Screw the day after Thanksgiving. Mine are going up November 1 baby! Woo!

While I'm updating - I started the book Escape by Carolyn Jessop. It's the story of the woman that escaped the FLDS church. Wow. The book is incredible. It's crazy that people seriously live the lives she did. It's a very interesting read and I am thinking I will finish it quickly. It will definitely get a book review on my blog once I'm finished - so look forward to that.

On the book front, don't forget to become a follower of my blog so you can be entered to win this giveaway! The giveaway ends Oct 29th so don't forget! Just become a follower and then leave me a comment on that post! My goal is to get to 100 followers before the end of the year so spread the word! Have a happy Sunday everyone. I know I will, John, my Mom and Dad are making pot roast and potatoes for dinner. I'm pretty excited, I've been crazing it since you FB about it a few days ago! Woo! Also, Mom I'm making the deviled eggs (as I type this actually, so I'll be there at 4PM with them. I don't know if Holli will be there or not, she hasn't felt well the passed few days.)

Table for one and a glimmer of hope

I did something today that I have never ever done before. Sat by myself at a sit down restaurant and ate an entire meal. It was great. I loved it and I want to do it again tomorrow. Ha ha. I was feeling REALLY low when I woke up this morning or this afternoon to be exact, and I needed to get out of my house for a while. I was hungry so I thought well, I'll take my book and go to McGrath's. I thought that I would feel weird or out of place when they asked me "how many" before I was being seated, but I didn't. I didn't feel out of place at all. I also brought along a stack of local business magazines I have and started writing down names of companies to send out my resume to, but I only got through one of them before I got bored with it and picked up my book, Loose Girl. I really like it. But I would recommend it to only a few of my blog readers, because I would guess a lot of you would be offended by its subjectivity and language. So anyway, I turned off my phone, ordered a drink, an appetizer, a meal, the works! Ha ha. Waay more food than I need or could even eat, but I just enjoyed myself and it was really nice. I recommend everyone do this from time to time.

When I got home I checked my email and I was super pleased! I got a job lead from one of my oldest (and by oldest I mean our friendship is the oldest, I've known her since I was like 9, she is not old) friends Andrea and I applied for the position as soon as I heard about it. It's an Office Manager position at Northwestern Mutual and they replied and will call me tomorrow to schedule an interview! Yay! I was soo happy! Even if it doesn't work out, it's such a good feeling knowing that someone somewhere has looked at my resume. I was starting to feel like they were going into a black hole of nothingness. Seriously, I've sent out probably 25 resumes and haven't received a single response. Ugh. So, I *hope* to hear from Northwestern tomorrow and get an interview. Thank you so so much Andrea for the job lead and bringing a much needed glimmer of hope into my life! Seriously I needed it.

Also, when I checked the mail today I received my new debit card from the state of Utah. When you apply for unemployment they send you a debit card and this is where they deposit your weekly funds unless you set up some sort of direct deposit, which I faxed the form yesterday. It doesn't mean I'm approved, but I haven't seen a 'claim denied' letter yet, so I have to believe that getting the debit card is a good sign? We'll see. I'm off to bed now. I've gotten into a really bad habit of going to bed at 4AM and sleeping until noon. This is not good for my sleep issues and not good in general. So it ends tonight. I've taken my pill and I'm going to read until I fall asleep. Holli is going to call and wake me up at 8AM tomorrow too. Don't forget Hoe! See everyone tomorrow.

Depressed

I hesitate to even post this it's that far in the dark place, but wait! I almost forgot! I post anything I want now! So here goes. I'm diving into a deeply depressed state. I'm soo lonely. I don't have any friends, none. I don't have a job. I have watched all the movies and TV shows I care to watch. I've done every single jigsaw puzzle I own. You can only look at job sites soo much before you go crazy realizing that you make more money being a drain on society drawing unemployment, if that ever gets approved.

If my unemployment is not approved soon I'll end up having to move back home with my parents. Which, I love you Mom & Dad, but I REALLY do not want to do this. I just don't. I've been on my own for five years. I don't want to go back to having people to answer to and rules to follow and crap. Not to mention that I'll probably have to end up selling Tonka, because Marley (parent's dog) is a mean dog and was never trained and doesn't get along with other animals. And that will kill me. I'm crying typing that out, because the thought of selling my dog, someone else taking care of my little Tonka, KILLS me.

I have one friend, who I am sure is about ready to call it quits being my friend because all I do is text him all day long, because I am so fucking bored. I wake up at noon everyday, because I have nothing else to do. I don't get dressed in normal clothes, because I have been on steroids since the beginning of summer and have gained over 30lbs. Nothing fits. My entire body aches all of the time. But I can't stop taking the medication because it's the only thing that keeps the room from spinning and me passing out. Maybe I'll try to work out tomorrow, make an effort to do so even if for only a few minutes. I've got to do something, because I am disgusted with myself when I look in the mirror.

Every night I pour a drink, fill the tub, and read a book for a while. Reading is productive I suppose. I bought two books today, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle and Loose Girl. I started Loose Girl tonight, a trashy book by most local standards, but I really don't care. It's been entertainment for me for the last 2 hours or so. Maybe I'll stay up all night and finish it. Finish Eat, Pray, Love tomorrow and then start Edgar the next day. I'll never finish Breaking Dawn, I just can't. I've tried like 3 times and the book is just awful. So I took it off my night stand and replaced it with the two I bought tonight.

Seriously. I need something good to happen. For once. Anything good. I need a call back, an interview. An actual date- not just 'hanging out Utah crap' - although that is a HUGE stretch because who wants to date the unemployed depressed girl? I just need SOMETHING. Anything to brighten my day. I am enjoying the rain right now. I wish it would rain really hard for a few more days. I like it. See I'm not all doom and gloom. Ha. Whatever.

Worthless

I'm still here laying in my bed at 12:30PM with plans to put in the 1st disc of the 2nd season of Deadwood. Those are my plans for the entire day. I suppose at some point I'll get up and shower. But probably only if someone makes plans with me for tonight. Otherwise, I'll just lay here in my black sleeper thing all day. Because I don't have a job anymore, I don't have any children to take care of (thank God), and I don't have any money to go do something like shopping or buy a chai tea (which I am really craving right now if someone in the blogosphere could oblige that would be uh-mazing.) Maybe I'll go to a movie on my own. I've never done that before and I've always wanted to. Is Julie and Julia still in theaters? I need to go watch something happy and uplifting.

I am filled with anger, resentment and terrible thoughts towards a lot of the people in my life, or that were in my life. A lot. And I hate it. I hate the way I feel because I'm not this kind of person. I've never been one to carry grudges or wish ill things upon people even when they have wronged me. But I am afraid the last month I've become exactly that. I was discussing this with My Mom (who is the most optimistic upbeat person I know) and she told me that it's okay for me to feel like this and only I will know when I'll be finished and ready to just let it all go. It was good advice, and I know what she was saying, I'm just afraid I'll always feel this way. I'll never let it go. And no one wants to be around someone like this. No one wants to be with bitter Betty. I guess it's a good thing I bought Tonka, he doesn't know any different as long as I take him on walks and give him treats he still loves me.

Blah. I hate the feeling I have right now of no responsibilities. Actually, I have a lot of responsibilities, just no means to fulfill them. And not for lack of trying either. I've completed the process for filing for unemployment. It was very interesting being on the other side of the process, and I am grateful I have my multi-functioning printer for all of the forms and scanning and what not that needs to be done. I feel some relief knowing what is what with unemployment now. I was uneasy before because I wasn't sure of how much I would qualify for or if that it would be enough to cover bills, how the exact filing process works, ect. But now I know it all and I'm only waiting for my approval. Which could take up to 3 weeks - right about the time when rent is due. If my unemployment is approved I think I can make it work, if not, I'm fucked and I'll move home with my parents, which is another mess in itself. If I wouldn't have (drained my savings) and moved into my new apartment in May I would have been fine financially. I would have just taken the remainder of the year off, lived off my savings, and started something new in January. Shoulda-woulda-coulda I guess though.

The Utah Department of Workforce Services site sure seems like they know what they are doing though and the process while long, was put together very well and easy for me to understand. I search for jobs on it as well as Monster, Dice, HotJobs, Career Builder, Craigslist, newspaper, etc multiple times a day. I've sent out a crazy amount of resumes and cover letters, I've made phone calls, tried to network, etc. But I haven't received a single solitary call/email back. I think it's due to my $41K/year salary requirement to stay afloat. I can assure my future employer I am worth every single penny, regardless of what my past one thought.

I have been thinking of starting my own business offering administrative services on retainer. There is a huge need for admins in every single office, but the pay is low and a lot of times the need is not consistent. So I want companies to have the option of using them on an as needed basis. So anyway, maybe I'll start putting my thoughts on paper around it and see what I come up with. I'd like to run what I come up with by a few business owners and get their thoughts...anyone out there own a business with potential admin needs and be willing to participate? Or know of anyone that wouldn't mind me taking up 45 min of their time to discuss logistics? More thoughts are brewing just typing that out. Ha ha! Suddenly I don't feel so worthless! I think Deadwood may have to wait until this evening...

Maybe I'll go shower now.

FML

I love how each time I sign into Monster to search for jobs the first "recommended" job they give is my old position. Yeah. No shit, Sherlock.

Unemployed

I didn't sleep until 4AM this morning. I was extremely stressed out and experiencing major anxiety all week. I was so overwhelmed that 1.5 Ambien and 2 Percocet didn't put me sleep. Why was I so stressed you might be wondering? Well, Doba terminated my loyal employment of almost 4 years on Tuesday, my 25th birthday no less. 

Doba decided that they were no longer going to be able to continue the relationship because I used all of my Paid Time Off (PTO) for sickness and accidents. I am devestated by this, but oddly relieved. For the better part of a year I have been through many health trials (8 months of chronic migraines, 6 root canals, torn up knee, food poisoning, shoulder dislocation, etc.) and through them all I never felt like I had the opportunity to clear my head and fully recover because I was always worried about my job. I no longer have that concern so hopefully I can focus on getting my mental and phsyical issues in order again. I've got 3 different doctor appointments scheduled already for next week. 

I am trying my best to have a positive outlook, to see the silver lining, but I just can't right now. I know I will find something else, I'm just so overwhelmed. I am so overwhelmed with the events of this past week and year that I went to the doctor yesterday and got some anti-anxiety medication (Xanax) it seems to be helping, but right now I can hardly type I am so nervous and scared feeling that I have zero direction in my life. I ended up taking two last night (or this morning rather) to help me relax so I could get a few hours of shut eye before my long last day of working at Doba. :( I am so sad. I loved my job, truly I did. I just don't understand, I had a rough year health-wise and emotionally, things that are out of my control, and I get fired for it.

So, the next seven days are going to be all about me. I am going to do the things that I want, things that make me happy. Spend time with my dog, sleep in late, tan, and work out. Tie up a bunch of loose ends I haven't had the time or energy to deal with until now. After my "all about me vaca" my aggressive job search begins! I hope I am able to find something that helps me grow as an individual and work well with a group of similarly open minded people. I may also look into returning to school. I would probably qualify for some grants or assistant since I am unemployed. This may be the route I need to take.

If anyone knows of any HR, administrative assistant type jobs in Utah-County I would appreciate the information on them. I need at least $40,000/year to stay in my current living conditions. I have a resume ready to send, just shoot me an email with directions and the job description. Also, I've updated my email address to meagenridley at gmail .com. I'll check the other one regularly but I'm trying to get everything moved over ASAP.

I asked Holli to move in with me for a few months until the end of the year. I'm excited for the time we'll get to spend and that she will be able to help me a bit with rent and the Tonka-monster. I love her so much more than I could ever put into words. She has been staying with me in some compacity for the last month and I am so very grateful for this. She helps tremendously with Tonka and she cleans and makes me not feel so lonely. She and Madi are my very best friends and I need their support right now. My parents are very loving and supporting and I know they will do their best to keep me a float until I find something new.

Since I know a lot of my Doba coworkers read my blog, I wish each of you the very best. Please stay in touch via email (above or the link to the right) and Facebook. I have a feeling I will be either offline for the next few days to week or online a ton looking for jobs. We'll see. Enjoy your weekends and I will do my best to make good use of the time off I unexpectedly have.