No sampling please

Who exactly is sampling the dog treats at Winco? Sick dude.

Facebook Favorite

Icecube Boner

I don't know how this happened, but it made me laugh, hard. Ha!

BIG BOOTY HOE!!

Good flyin hell! Is this for real? Buy them here if you're interested in a little more junk in the trunk.

Dog Stache

Ha! I love it. I think Tonk needs one of these.

Hello?

Guys, has my blog become boring or do my posts suck!? Where did everyone go? I miss you bloggy friends. Anyway, I planned to do a post for each of the photos below at one point or another this week, but I never got around to it. So here they are in all their pictorial glory. Enjoy.

Ugliest truck skin ever.

GPOYW: I'm wearing less eye makeup, can you even tell?

Doesn't Tonka look old and wise?

Oh boy

You know when you put some medicine in your mouth and then you frantically search your bedroom for a drink of some sort and then you can't find anything and then they start to dissolve and then for 2 seconds you think well I'll just spit them out, then you're like no this shit is expensive and controlled, so then you run to the kitchen and stick your head under the sink and choke down the tap water just so you don't gag? Yeah, that just happened to me.

The best part of housesitting for the Rents....

MY spoon.

Did I have sex with Edward Cullen last night?!

Am I going to have his vampire baby!?! Those were my first thoughts when I woke up to my room looking like this today!

But no, sadly I did not sleep with the sexy vampire character from the Twilight Saga and no I will not be giving birth to a vampire baby (although if I were I would definitely not name it Renesmee -- ugh). This was all just the handiwork of Tonka while I slumber. First it was Bumbles, then the carpet incident, now the pillows...Judas what will I ever do with this dog I love so much!

I guess you'll only get why this is so funny if you've read the 4th book in the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn. When Edward and Bella make love for the first time (after they are married, clearly...duh) Edward, um...shreds the pillows because he's so umm....worked up? Bella wakes up to a room full of feathers and fluff. Ha ha, just read the book then come back and read my post and you'll laugh. I promise. LOL.

Dog Snuggie

I didn't know Tonka was doing Snuggie ads! Where are my royalties!? I could REALLY use them about now.

FML

I love how each time I sign into Monster to search for jobs the first "recommended" job they give is my old position. Yeah. No shit, Sherlock.

Free Couch

Sling Arsenal

Drugs, iPhone, chapstick, and Big League Chew bubble gum. Always be prepared, that's my motto. Ha!

Boys are idiots. Happy Independence Day.

Bobby Pin Pile

You know how most guys empty their pockets at night usually resulting in a pile of change somewhere? The excess change sits in an empty soda bottle or old mug until it accumulates and said boy takes it to Coin Star. Well the girl version of this is the bobby pin pile. Each night, I change into chill clothes and take down my hair. I take out each bobby pin and throw them all in a pile on my dresser. After a few days I'll move the pile to my pile in the bathroom, but why don't I just put them there in the first place? I don't know? The bathroom is 10 feet from my dresser. I usually lose a few pins because they fall on the floor. I bet a lot of girls would say the best place to search for these perfect little hair helpers is the floor. That is assuming they don't get eaten by the vacuum or destroyed by Tonk.

Mail

Well I think this is proof that my mailman/woman does in fact hate me. A little background, I hate checking the mail. I've been known to go days, even weeks, without checking it. I get soo much junk, I just hate going through it. So, that being said, my mailbox gets really full (insert 'that's what she said joke' here). It gets so full that things get smooshed. I imagine the mailperson cramming things in there then quickly closing the door before anything can fall out. Like when you shove things in the "junk" closet and the next person to open the door gets a nice little surprise? He he. I mean no..I don't do things like that.

Anyway, I've been waiting for a shipment from Proactiv for a while now and I was getting concerned that I hadn't seen it in the big packages box yet. So, I checked my little mailbox for the first time in a good week and found that the shipment was in there, instead of the packages box that it's usually delivered in. And now, I can not get it out. I have no idea how the mailperson got it in there. But it's stuck for good. Bummer.

They can help, but they can't spell

Guess What?

So I went to Macey's this morning to pick up some milks and juices and as I was walking in I saw this as an option on Shasta vending machine. Ha ha. Apparently, the Shasta man has a sense of humor. PS Who buys Shasta?

Weeds, The Dead Guy, Hunger, and The Red-Head

I know everything I'm about to say is totally random, but please keep reading my thoughts.

Weeds: I've recently finished the 3rd season and I L.O.V.E. It's my new favorite show. I really like all of the characters, even the annoying Councilman Doug. Tell me you didn't laugh when he walked around during whole fire episode singing songs and playing that banjo or whatever at the shelter. I like this show so much I am going to scan the internet just to find pirated versions of the recently started season 4. Whoa. I know, big step for me watching shows before they hit the DVD shelves.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan: Why does he play the dead guy in all the shows I love? Denny in Grey's Anatomy - DIES. Judah in Weeds - DEAD. What is wrong with him playing a living roll!? I like him! Jeez. I did some research on imdb and he does in fact play living characters, so maybe I'll add a few of those films to my Netflix.


Hunger: Today, I am starving. We're talking eat whatever is laying on the counter-starving. Not good. For dinner I had 2 helpings of this chicken stir-fry noodle stuff, 2 pieces of corn on the cob w/butter, 2 pickles, and 3 cookies. Don't worry that after all of that I had a triple chocolate supreme drumstick ice cream cone. Oh yeah, and I ate some popcorn after that. JUDAS! Where did this appetite come from? I didn't have breakfast so that must be it?

The Red-Head: I've had to take a different route home from work the last few weeks because of all the construction. On my new route I've found, this red-headed lady who crosses (and I mean walks) across state-street everyday and just stands in the middle of the turning lane waiting for traffic to clear so she can run to the other side in her black slacks and heels. Woman, get out of the road! What are you thinking? She is going to get hit by a car, and when it happens I will feel bad for her, but I will also have no problem saying "I told you so."

Cell Phone Graveyard

It's ridiculous how many phones I've gone through in the last 6 years.